Cheers to law taking its course

Bar Talk With Bra Gee
The gloves are coming off this week as we wade in deep into Salarygate and other matters of interest, beer mugs, whisky glasses and all.
“Yes!” we exclaimed with ‘clenched fist’ punching the air as we jumped up to celebrate. Our prayers were answered pretty fast and we are a happy lot.
What a pleasure to see a whole company secretary in a green dress and the red and white jersey as she got onto the prison truck.
And we really loved that hairstyle which shows that she has quickly made friends among the other sisters enjoying the State’s hospitality.

Then the gentlemen in their becoming khakis certainly cut dashing figures too. These are pictures we will keep for posterity.
What a change it must be from the huge air conditioned SUVs and the designer clothing. Now they get a taste of ‘mazitye’ the second hand clothing at the flea markets which is the only way some of us will ever get genuine designer labels next to our skins.

Now that the President has given authority to our call for the arrest of all looters, we are sure that we definitely be seeing more such good pictures.

A couple of weeks ago we spoke of the word shame and how the fat cats needed to learn about it. But at least one missed the lesson. Instead of offering to pay back a little bit of all that money he directed towards his personal welfare, the jolly offspring is demanding that he be paid his exorbitant salary in arrears.

Maybe a stint in khakis over the fraud cases will have him singing the same song as his son; “Hapana cash.”
Not that the son of the happy son, is really serious about such low class declarations when he is busy bragging about how he has enough money to conquer the US of A.

On a different note, we wish to commiserate with the cheesy singer whose irritating braying is only appreciated by foreign diplomats who have no idea what real Zimbabwean music should sound like. If only she had not jumped the gun by appealing against sentence and gone to prison when the magistrate said she had to. Maybe she would be singing a song of true freedom after the amnesty instead of holding her breath on the note of jail interrupted.

And an interesting thing has come up.
While writing this article yours truly looked for any sign that the State is pushing to see the case concluded and found zilch. Is she going to walk free forever?

Tell us again why she walked in the first place.
Did she somehow produce a real driver’s license instead of the learner’s document she had in possession at the time of the accident?
We wish that someone would bring back public floggings as legal form of justice.

It sure would save the magistrates a lot of hassle as fewer people would come to court and fewer of those who did would give stupid reasons for committing crimes.

We are sure that a good flogging would have been in order for the sodomy teacher who claimed to have been in a trance while he abused several children.

It is a very convenient trance that allows a person to plan to send a kid on an errand, stalk the poor child and sodomise him, then threaten him not to say anything, then do it all over again with a different victim.

Surely the magistrate should be allowed to say “Okay, you are obviously a victim of a terrible malignancy. I shall not punish you, but the real culprit.

So feel free to go into a trance while they give that evil spirit twenty lashes.”
We are sure that the magistrates will soon be twiddling their thumbs as the case load dwindles to almost nothing in a very short while.
We hear that while we were earning money to buy drinks and pay rates, trusted representatives of Harare residents held a meeting with the mayor and the minister this past week and agreed that politics is at play in the city hall. That is all great.

But what does politics have to do with the horses’ huge salary? And what does it have to do with his re-instatement when there is urgent need for a forensic audit with him safely out of the way?

Dear Dr White head, please feel very free to appoint a politically acceptable temporary replacement.
We might be befuddled by the continuous imbibing over the years, but even our bleary eyes can see a few potential party loyalists who would fit the bill perfectly.

We are not asking for much. Just a person who will accept a salary of US$5 000 while using the rest of our money to make sure that the potholes are covered. There is no need for this person to hold degrees in actuary science, pathology, toxicology and the Table of Elements.
After all the various departments employ skilled engineers, doctors and other such folks to do the job, while the boss just sets the vision and makes them jump through the hoops.

So trusted representatives, please go back and negotiate a better deal for us, preferably one which will see our garbage removed, water flowing out of our taps and roads that we can drive on without appearing to be under the influence.

Till next week, bottoms up!