Online Reporter
TINASHE MUNSAKA probably thought he had hit the jackpot when he walked away from a bottle store with cigarettes, Chibuku Super and a few miniature bottles of cheap vodka without paying.
The 26-year-old Dete man has now discovered the hard way that there is nothing “super” about stealing Chibuku Super — especially when the cheap stunt comes with a seven-month prison sentence that would make even the most hardened criminal wince.
Munsaka appeared before the Hwange Magistrates’ Court and was sentenced to an effective seven months behind bars for aggravated unlawful entry after helping himself to a rather peculiar shopping list that looked less like a heist and more like someone preparing for a very average Friday night.
His loot?
Ten packs of Fame cigarettes, eight packs of Mint cigarettes, seven bottles of Chibuku Super and 15 little 200ml bottles of vodka.
Yes, you read that correctly.
The man allegedly broke into a bottle store and made off with goods worth exactly US$32,50 — roughly the same amount many people spend on lunch.
But Munsaka, apparently operating on a grand criminal vision, decided that this was the haul worth risking freedom for.
Trouble started on August 9, when a bar lady at a bottle store at Dingani Shopping Centre locked up the premises around 8.30pm and went home, presumably confident that the day’s business was safely behind her.
Munsaka, however, had other plans.
By 10am the following morning, the bar lady was back at work when she discovered that the bottle store had been broken into.
The shelves had apparently become a one-man supermarket for Munsaka, who helped himself to enough cigarettes and alcohol to make one wonder whether he was planning a party, stocking up for a very long weekend or simply auditioning for a role as the world’s least ambitious thief.
Unfortunately for Munsaka, his alleged midnight shopping expedition did not go unnoticed.
The bar lady — clearly possessing detective skills that would make CID Mutorashanga proud — spoke to patrons who had been drinking at the bottle store the previous night.
The patrons reportedly pointed the finger at Munsaka.
Police investigations followed and, before long, the aspiring beer-and-cigarette entrepreneur found himself under arrest, probably wondering how his grand plan had gone so spectacularly wrong.
The court sentenced him to 12 months in prison, suspending four months for five years on condition he does not commit a similar offence.
Another month was suspended on condition he pays the victim US$22,50 in restitution.
That left him with seven months to serve.
For a man who wanted a few drinks and cigarettes, Munsaka certainly managed to get himself the most expensive hangover imaginable.
