Sundaymail Editor
I am a married woman and I have two teenage sons. My husband and I are both gainfully employed. The point at issue is all our parents are alive and they need frequent medical care.
My husband and I both have siblings. As a couple, we decided to play our part to provide medical cover for our parents without waiting on what our siblings would do in terms of resource mobilisation towards this cause.
I asked my hubby to handle this issue. To my surprise, he only registered his parents and left mine out. I asked him why and he said he had consulted his elder brother and was advised to leave the in-laws out since he had no obligation to do that. He said it was my brother’s duty instead.
I am fuming and wondering how that is going to go because we have a combined budget. I am not going to contribute to a budget where my own parents are segregated.
This is grossly unfair! I do not wait upon my siblings to carry out my plans. What would happen if I were the only child? I told my husband that unless all our parents are covered the arrangement is off. We are not talking, there is a lot of tension, please advise.
Response
Your initiative was spot on. I also like the fact that you did not place any additional burden on anyone who may not want or cannot contribute towards such a noble cause.
Your husband was doing well up until he consulted babamukuru. The truth of the matter is babamukuru has no business advising you on how to manage your household finances. Open a medical aid for your parents and include it in your combined budget.
Notify your husband of your actions and let him know that for a combined budget to work, the two of you need to be on the same page. In-as-much as it is a way to balance the scales, also remind him that he agreed to the idea to begin with. Furthermore, remind him that in the absence of medical insurance the burden will most likely befall on your household and potentially cost more.
In the event that he refuses to see the light rope in a financial advisor/relationship counselor. I hope babamukuru stops poisoning the well. Be decisive and firm. It is an issue that can be resolved once you stand your ground.
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Hubby wants to be pampered 24/7
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married woman aged 37 and a mother to four beautiful children. A private doctor employs me as a nurse. Our surgery is located at a very busy shopping centre and as a result, we have more walk-ins than appointments.
I spend most of my time standing, by the time I get home I will be more than tired. I have a very good maid who can do most of the house chores unsupervised. The problem is my husband wants me to do his laundry, cook for him, pack his lunch and the list goes on.
I gladly do these things when I am not burnt out but I want him to understand that I am human, I get tired too. Lately he has been complaining a lot about how I am letting the maid run the home.
I do not know what he is really up to because he has taken this matter to my tete and sisters. I bring more money to the home in terms of salary so I cannot leave my job otherwise the family will starve. Amai, please help. How do I handle this? He is really putting me in a very tight corner?
Response
Hello, I am very well and thanks for asking. I went through your letter and tried to decipher if there are larger issues at play here. Apart from you bringing in more money, is he gainfully employed? He seems like he has a lot of time on his hands to notice and complain about how many household issues should be done and by whom.
The fact that he has placed the ball in your tete’s court puts you in an advantage. Have you explained to her in depth why you cannot do most of these things? I think the fact that he has lunch to eat and his laundry is done on time is a good thing in itself. The purpose of a helper is for them to assist with tasks that would otherwise overwhelm the two of you in the home. Hear what tete says and how best you can bring the issue to rest.
Personally, I think he must realise that it is nearly impossible for a modern day woman to balance every single task on her to-do list without help. You may also bring in a relationship counsellor to shed light on these issues. I wish you all the best.
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Gift went missing
I am a 24-year-old man. I graduated from university last year. I am not yet employed but when my brother is overwhelmed at his company, he calls me to go and help out as a part-time worker. I am comfortable. I still stay with my parents and my younger sister. A fortnight ago, I went to a cousin’s wedding.
To tell the truth I have never seen such chaos or disorder at a wedding. I really do not know what the wedding committee was up to when they planned.
They did not assign any one to receipt the wedding gifts so I was forced to be one of the relatives to execute that task.
I initially had said no to the request but the groom himself came to plead with me and I complied. After the wedding, we heard a complaint that there was a fake US$100 and they want me and the other guy who was receiving the gifts to replace that money. Some say we were careless as we should have checked while others are saying we took the genuine note and replaced it with the fake one. I told them to engage the police but they are refusing. I am innocent. I do not know what happened. My big brother had offered to pay the money because he says it is not good for our relationship. My mother and the groom’s mother are sisters. Amai, what is your take on this one? People are making a lot of noise over the issue?
Response
They say blood is thicker than water and I am disappointed that the groom is not doing more to defend you. After all, you bailed him out when he needed you to.
What is a US$100 in the major scope of things?
No one knows how this bill came to be in the mix. Even the person that brought it may be clueless depending on where they got it from and how good a counterfeit it was.
Thank your brother for coming to your rescue and let him pay the money on your behalf. Continue to profess your innocence if you truly had nothing to do with this and move on with your lives. I hope this will be a lesson to you. One that will help you understand that money can be divisive among families. Continue to lean on your brother, he is an upstanding man. As for these other relatives, they say a burnt child dreads fire. Take this as a confirmation to never do anything that involves money with them.
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