Condoms bandit gets community service

PARENTING is tough. But for 32-year-old Ishmael Ndlovu of Njube, Bulawayo, the pressure of providing for his child led him to a nearby store where his attempt to shoplift earned him a spot in the Hall of Shame.

On June 26, Ishmael walked into the local Sai Mart like any other customer. But instead of heading straight for the kids’ footwear section, he bee-lined to the personal care aisle and began quietly helping himself to six packets of condoms.

Apparently not satisfied, he added two packs of 10 cigarettes and a loaf of Proton bread to his haul, all of which he stashed — none too stealthily — inside his jacket. Unfortunately for Ishmael, he was not alone. Sai Mart’s security guard, Hendry Ndlovu, was watching the whole performance and promptly apprehended him before he could make it to the exit.

The value of the stolen items?

A modest US$17. Dragged to court in chains of his own making, Ishmael stood before Tredgold magistrate Mr Maxwell Ncube and pleaded guilty. He did not deny the theft, but when asked why he had done it, he dropped a stunner: “I just wanted to buy my kid some school shoes.”

While nicking the bread may have been understandable because hunger knows no law, and maybe, just maybe, the smokes were for stress relief, but the condoms? Let us just say they were not going to help his child walk to school.

In the end, Mr Ncube sentenced Ishmael to five months in prison. But showing a touch of mercy — or perhaps disbelief — the court suspended three months for five years, and the remaining two months on condition of good behaviour.

Effectively, Ishmael has to do 105 hours of community service to ponder where exactly it all went wrong. For his folly, he has earned legendary status in the Hall of Fame of Human Stupidity. He did not just fail basic logic and common sense; he also failed at being a functional adult in society. Somewhere in Njube, there is a child who will grow up knowing their father became a local legend for all the wrong reasons.

That is not just mampara behaviour; that is generational embarrassment!