adminDr Sacrifice Chirisa Mental Health Matters
Dating refers to a process through which a person gets together with another person to explore the possibilities of romantic, sexual or marital coupling.
Mental health refers to the balance in one psychological make-up that ensures productivity and joy in life.
With so many stories of “dating gone wrong’’ all around us, the broken trust; wounded egos, couple violence, date sexual assault all this leading to depression, substance abuse, suicide and even homicide.
It is clear that your dating has and will impact your present and future mental health.
With this in mind, it is crucial to have guidance on how to date with your mental health in mind so you do not land yourself in an ordeal.
Dating tends to turn into more goal-directed as people age into adulthood and experience social and internal pressures to “get married”, settle down and have a family.
Though most adults do end up forming more permanent committed relationships, which may involve marriage and or children, not all who do remain faithful to those relationships.
Some substantial minority of married adults continue to date after marriage by forming adulterous liaisons and extramarital affairs.
While many committed relationships do thrive, a number also fail due to divorce, death and other circumstances.
The survivors of these relationships, bruised as they are, often find themselves motivated to go back into the dating pool to try their luck at relationship building again.
Below are some tips that will help anyone in a dating space to protect themselves psychologically:
Be initially self-centred: Being self-centred doesn’t mean selfishness; it means to be more focused on whether or not you like the person you are dating than whether or not they like you.
Have modest expectations: Chances are good that your date will be nice, but nothing special. Relax and enjoy the dating process. Try not to need it to become something other than what it is.
Expect to be rejected some of the time: You cannot be everything to everyone. Rejection early on in a dating relationship is not personal, but rather is all about what is happening in your date’s mind.
If someone rejects you they are doing you a favour as they are ending an interaction that will not work out later.
Put your best foot forward: You do not need to be different than you are, but you need to be at your best. If someone is hung up on a particular size/shape that you are not, they are not worth you investing your energy and emotions in.
Have a plan: It is nice to have a plan for the evening defined in your head where you will go, what you might eat so that your date is not forced to figure things out for you both at the spur of the moment.
Have fun: You are out on a date to enjoy yourself and see what can develop in the moment.
Don’t burden the situation with neediness from your past or hopes for the future.
Without some sort of a game plan a lot of people plunge themselves into dating related mental illness.
Dr Sacrifice Chirisa is a passionate mental health specialist at Parirenyatwa Group of Hospitals, one of the major referral centres in the country.
Online Reporter