Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Last week we sat with a hard truth: relationships and marriages face fresh challenges across the borders.
We talked about diaspora couples — the ones navigating new countries, pulled apart by new pressures, new culture and new loneliness among other things.
And yet, in the midst of that message, something beautiful happened. Some couples wrote to express sentiments that I could sum up as: ‘It’s tough, but we’re choosing each other. We’re still here.’
That is where we are going this week —my thinking being that if love can survive borders, time zones, and new environments — then love can survive bad news headlines too.
I do not know about you, but lately the news on marriages, has been heavy. Another divorce announcement on Facebook. Another story of a husband and wife that ended in tragedy, like the heartbreaking case of ‘Mark’ Tshuma’s murdered family.
Elsewhere one hears of a couple quietly separating because they “just grew apart”.
If you are married, or hoping to be, it is easy to feel like love is losing. It is natural to wonder: Is it still worth it? Does goodness still exist in marriage? I reckon yes. A thousand times, yes.
The world may be reporting more broken homes, but your home does not have to be one of them. The headlines are not your destiny. Do not let the negative reports snuff out your own fire.
Love is not extinct. It is just riddled with battles, tired even. And tired things need to be dated again, rejuvenated.
Remember why you started.
Before the bills, before the children, before the WhatsApp arguments and the silent dinners . . . there was a “you and I”.
There was laughter over a hearty meal. There was that song you both claimed. There was a promise that felt bigger than fear.
Dating your spouse again is simply going back to that place. Not to pretend the problems are not real. But to remember that the problems are not bigger than the people.
The enemy of marriage today is not just infidelity or finances. It is also forgetfulness. Some couples forget to be curious about each other. They forget to play. They forget that the person across from them chose them out of many, on purpose.
Ways to fortify your love when everything else feels unsteady:
Schedule your time together
Maybe just 15 minutes to yourselves. No phones. No children. No problem-solving.
Ask: What made you smile this week? What has been heavy on your heart?
Hug, hold hands on purpose
In seasons of stress we go into survival mode. Some couples become managers of a household, not lovers.
Hold hands while praying. A few seconds hug,when your spouse walks in. Fix his collar. Massage her feet, or braid her hair. Physical affection is not just romance. It’s reassurance: “You are safe with me. I am still here.”
Speak well, even when you are tired
The world is already criticising your spouse. Your home should be the one place they hear, “I’m proud of you.”
Compliment the gig work your spouse is doing even while searching for better opportunities. Celebrate her corporate job success without comparison. Words build altars or they dig graves. Choose to build.
Laugh again, intentionally
Grief and trials can make us forget how to play. Do some activities together for fun. Cook a silly meal together. Dance in the kitchen. Watch a comedy instead of negative news for one night.
Joy is resistance. When society feels like sinking sand, joy is like solid ground under your feet.
Pray together
Even if it is short to begin with, develop the habit. You do not have to wait till you can push a 1 hour devotion. It could just be as brief as: “Lord, help us today. Keep our hearts soft toward each other.”
When God is the third cord in your marriage, the rope does not break easily. Ecclesiastes 4:12. Invite Him into the small moments, not just the crises.
Love and choice
My observation is, love does not survive because it is easy. It survives because two people keep choosing it on ordinary days and in a myriad of situations: When his income shrinks but his dignity matters; when her promotion means late nights but your friendship matters more.
When the world says “leave if it’s hard,” and you say, “let’s try one more kind thing. Let us go back to what brought us together in the first place”.
That is how love survives. Not by ignoring the hard, but by choosing to be better, to be kinder to each other. Your marriage will not be perfect. But it can be a refuge. A place where two people remind each other: “Goodness still exists. We are proof.”
To the couple reading this while sitting in different rooms: start with one text. “I’m thinking of you.”
To the one who feels unseen: speak up, gently. “I miss us.”
To the one carrying pain from other people’s stories: that is not your story unless you let it be. Chimboita focus. Some are giving up before they even try, based on troubled relationships or turmoil they see in some marriages. And we can not deny that at some point in life’s journey, we learn from other people’s experiences. We should just not make it our own story.
I’m just suggesting that you do not let the reports of divorce, violence, and despair write the ending of your love story. God is still in the business of mending, restoring, and making new.
If the world needed to see one marriage that did not quit. By God’s grace, let it be yours.
I would love to hear from you.
Drop your thoughts in the comments or connect on Facebook: Naledi Laina Makuzha, or Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572
