dyton mupawaenda
Fadzayi Maposah-Correspondent
My mother, Ma Ncube has always discouraged staring saying that it tends to make people uncomfortable.
When we were young there were situations where one would just find themselves staring at others.
This usually happened when we encountered “strange” people. Now strange is not to say that they were bad people. Strange then when we were young meant that these people were not what we were used to.
Some people reading this may find it funny or even strange, but when I was a child any woman who had make up was bound to draw my siblings and I’s attention.
If the woman had red lipstick, oh, I am sure that our eyes were seen as almost popping out!
When you are young, you compare everything to the world that is around you. Where we grew up, no-one did their faces. No make-up whatsoever.
It was just plain faces everywhere.
Our mother was strict about not staring and occasionally someone would get a hiding for breaking the rules.
I have learnt this with my daughters, while we cannot tell them about all the strangeness that they may encounter, what should be done is to alert them to the fact that people are different.
It should always be in their minds that they may encounter what is different from what they know or have seen before.
Have you not seen babies crying when they look at someone wearing spectacles?
It happens to me a lot! When I can I just put away my spectacles and the baby stops crying.
While the baby has peace, I may be uncomfortable just for a bit. If it is public transport I can opt to do something else, listen to music as this does not strain my eyes.
If it is a bank queue, I can request that the baby and the mother be served so that the baby is not traumatised just by looking at me.
I have no problem with children staring actually. I was a child who stared at women with red lipstick until I realised that these were normal human beings. Now all grown up, I respect people and their choices.
There I was last week walking in town briskly, I had a rather long to do list but the time meant for all the errands was just 60 minutes, my lunch hour.
Sixty minutes includes the walk to and from work and also the errands. You can understand now why the brisk walking. Wearing spectacles has both advantages and disadvantages.
One advantage of wearing spectacles especially the tinted ones, some emotions can remain private! Another advantage is that as a naughty adult I can stare without others noticing!
As I walked past one woman, she literally looked through me! It was like her eyes drilled their way through me.
It was a bit scary. I was wearing a denim skirt with a front zip. The first thing that came to my mind was the zip was open and that my under garments and my body parts were exposed for all to see.
When one gets that feeling, the hands move to rectify the problem. My hands moved to the zip. It was closed. I turned just so that I could see the back of the individual who had made me a bit uncomfortable. She was walking briskly in the opposite direction.
I could not chase after her to ask why she had been staring at me. She just left me wondering why Staring throws you off balance and leaves a dent on one’s self esteem especially if one has other issues.
Next time when you stare as an adult know that you may have affected the other person in ways that they could not express.
The same day I was in a shop and I thought the prices of the sanitary ware was good. As I packed the sanitary ware into my basket, I could not help but notice how one woman who was an arm’s length away was staring at me.
Since this one was near, I decided to address her: “I am not getting these for resale, they are for personal use.” As her eyes got bigger and her mouth remained closed, I decided to go on:
“We are different and we have different body clocks. I really cannot go around with a placard that shows where my body clock is at.”
“Sorry dear,” she said.
Now the pre-menopausal traits were beginning to really flood me.
I do not know whether it is the hormones or the age, but at times I find myself moving from few or no words to many as if I am being powered.
It actually is worse when I feel that I have been violated.
Like in this instance, the woman who had first stared at me had left me feeling “vulnerable”.
So this happening twice in a short space of time was really getting to me. Have you ever felt like screaming? Let this be question for my fellow peers who struggle with extreme end of these “horror” moods.
If you are an adult who has a habit of staring at people, please work on this not so good habit.
I have just cautioned myself against using the word “bad” ooops I have said it. I do not mean to judge anyone but at times these stares dent the self-esteem of already burdened highly hormonal menstrual or menopausal women who think the stares point to some reproductive health mishap.
The pressure can contribute to headaches and already these cycles have headaches as a key component.
So next time you feel like staring think carefully, you could just be contributing to reproductive situations!
Give someone a gift this festive season, the gift of not staring, resisting the urge to stare!
Online Reporter