Online Reporter
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a university student aged 20. I thought when I reached this age, I would be able to go to a church of my choice.
I personally do not have anything against my parents’ church. However, the services are conducted in English and most pastors struggle to deliver their message during sermons.
From my observation, a lot of congregants end up playing with their phones.
I am one of them. It would be better if they chose those who are eloquent and able to preach in English to lead the services.
I love church and it is a tall order for me to try and open up to my parents about what I have observed and suggestions for the future. How do I break the ice?
Response
I am very well and thanks for writing in. When it comes to worshipping, if you are not fully focused, then you are doing it in vain.
Attending church should not be imposed on you. You are a major, but you are still going to school and staying with your parents, so there will be some decisions that are influenced by this.
I personally think pastors and preachers should put effort and practice into mastering a language. Effective communication opens a lot of doors in life.
Sit down with your parents and politely share your observations and suggestions.
Assure them that you will remain a Christian but you may want to become part of a different denomination. I would be happy to hear the outcome of your meeting.
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I took my ring off
and got caught
I am a 39-year-old man who is married to a very jealous wife of the same age. We have been together for 10 years. We are blessed with children, boys, to be exact. I am a very faithful husband, but I do not understand why my wife doubts that. I belong to an old boys group composed of former learners of a high school I attended. We plan reunions and have a lot of fun together. We are allowed to bring our spouses on these occasions, but my wife never accepts such invitations.
Last weekend, I went to one of these functions and ended up removing my wedding ring because most of my friends did not have theirs on and were making fun of me. I forgot to put it back on.
My wife flew into a rage when I got home and the whole issue was blown out of proportion. I have tried every trick in the book to make things right, but it seems I am not winning. Amai, please help me. I am innocent.
Response
Hello dear writer. I do not understand how people who have been married for a whole decade continue to behave like teenagers. The kind of bickering in your home is not good for the upbringing of your children. Your union lacks trust and there must be something which triggered it that you did not mention. You seem quick to put the blame on her.
Being pressured into removing your wedding ring is hard to believe. Furthermore, why do you continue to be part of a social group that is clearly causing problems in your marriage? You desperately need to go for professional counselling to save your marriage. There are too many unresolved and unspoken issues in your union.
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Can a white lie ruin
a relationship?
I am aged 32 and my husband is 35, and we are both gainfully employed. We are parents of two beautiful kids and generally a very happy family. Our parents are retired and they stay at their rural homes. When we visit my in-laws, my husband makes sure we cater for whatever they ask for. In addition, he gives them money for general upkeep.
However, when we visit my parents, he just gives them the basics and I top up what is not covered.
When it comes to giving them money for upkeep, I always do it because if I do not, he is not bothered. This has got me thinking.
I may be left with no option except to give my parents whatever they want privately.
Do you think I can resolve this matter with my husband, or do I need to go behind his back?
Response
Greetings dear writer. You described your relationship as being generally happy. That is very refreshing to hear, especially these days where happy marriages seem to be scarce. I do not think it is a big deal. Sit down and calmly talk about the issue, and how it is bothering you.
Devise a way to distribute resources without disadvantaging anyone.
Remember that the people you are referring to are the grandparents of your children.
The other important factor to guide you is to look at their respective needs and distribute accordingly. It does not have to be a competition.
You are already doing a good thing by helping your parents. This should bring you together and not pull you apart.
Distributing resources privately is just as good as stealing from your marriage. Work as a single unit.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
