adminVaidah Mashangwa
ON 29 October 1981, Mary Briston was killed by Peter Wood in her own bedroom. It is said that Peter Wood first beat her with a meat tenderiser he took from the kitchen, smothered her with a pillow and strangled her. Though Peter Wood was a lodger at Mary Briston’s house, Woods defence was that he was Mary’s lover and had killed her for infidelity. Wood was sentenced to six years without any requirement for psychiatric treatment.
In a separate incident, a woman described how she was raped in her sixth floor apartment by a young man she had never met. Seven months later, long after having identified him to the police, the case was thrown out. The young man had enough money to hire three lawyers and persuade the district attorney’s office to delay his case for months instead of bringing it to the jury within weeks.
In another chilling incident, a man pleaded guilty to “manslaughter” of his wife and a one-year-old daughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. He first attempted to strangle his wife and finally stabbed her to death. He then strangled the daughter with a tie having stabbed her first. The man received a sentence of probation for three weeks on condition that he underwent medical treatment.
While these examples are quoted from other countries the same applies to the Zimbabwean situation. Research has it that nine out of 10 cases when women are killed, they are killed by men. It seems men who murder women for their alleged irritating, unfaithful and humiliating behaviour have a basis for their actions. Women on the other hand at times endure years of intimidation, beatings, slapping, marital rape, kicking and shoving.
In the entire length of marriage, it is estimated that 28 percent or between one out of four couples experience domestic violence. Actually wherever they are women are constantly in the fear of men’s intimidating, threatening and violent nature. Some are sexually harassed, slapped, grabbed on the street or beaten in front of their children. Such behaviour is a reminder of how vulnerable women are to men.
Whether old, young, rich and poor, white or black, no woman is immune from men’s intimidating, threatening or violent behaviour, according to the book Intimate Intrusions: Women’s Experience of Male Violence. Women are constantly observing men’s behaviour because it affects what women ought to do to avoid male violence. At times it includes monitoring whether a spouse is happy or not so that she can request for something.
On the other hand, some men do not actually monitor their partner’s behaviour because it doesn’t affect their lives as much. They can come home as they please, spend time on their own or spend their money in the ways that please them.
Even on the streets, adolescent women are met with provocative comments, glances, and whistles from men. At times it is also degrading that women really feel inferior and frustrated. Men go to the extent of making sexual advances at women in public. As young adults, many women have had experiences of sexual abuse either from male relatives or from male strangers. Children should therefore be discouraged from accepting candy or money from strangers.
The statistics below show the rate at which domestic violence occurred in the previous year in marriages of 2 000 husbands and wives.
Source: Family in transition by Skolnick (1992)
These figures show acts of violence committed by both the husband and the wife. Actually according to the analysis of this study, 27 percent were violent husbands and 24 percent violent wives. It is unfortunate that men do not report their violent wives because of stereotypes that men ought to be more strong, aggressive and powerful than women. The Domestic Violence Act is there to protect both men and women and it is high time that men report their abusive wives whether be it physically, psychologically or economically.
Women who throw things at their husbands are however almost twice the number of husbands who throw things at their wives. The rate of kicking and hitting with an object is higher for wives than for husbands. The husbands have higher rates for pushing, slapping, beating up and using a knife or gun. Recently there has been an upsurge in cases of assault and murder, usually for petty reasons.
It is surprising that some couples just feel comfortable with a certain type, and amount of violence to an extent of taking it as “normal violence”. Some women actually feel that they are no longer loved if they are not bashed. To some women constant scars and bruises, shredded ears and blackened eyes are part and parcel of their daily lives. At times they even go to the extent of lying that they fell or hit against a wall.
There is also evidence which suggests that a marriage licence is also a hitting licence. Some men think that women are properties that are owned once they pay lobola. They do not believe in mutual understanding of the intricacies in marriage life to the extent that some women are prisoners in their homes. They try as much as possible to do things in a manner that will not fuel domestic violence.
It seems we are living in a new era where fathers have the right to abuse their daughters and wives as they please. Bosses also use their female employees as they please and men seem to have the licence to use any woman’s body as they please. Women and men should both break the silence and report cases of domestic violence. Feelings of self-blame, humiliation, shame and loss of self-esteem encourage silence hence should be done away with.
Vaidah Mashangwa is the Provincial Development Officer in the Ministry of Women Affairs Gender and Community Development, Bulawayo Province. She can be contacted on 0772111592 or 09-889224. Email: [email protected]
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