Online Reporter
BOTH men and women have work to do to holistically navigate expectations in a relationship or marriage and build that water-tight, strong foundation.
In recent years, a concerning trend has emerged, where some partners are breaking up due to a perceived lack of financial support by one party towards the other.
I came across a story of a lady who did that — not once, not twice but 4 times within a space of just over one year. She reportedly broke her relationships, arguing that the partner in each case, was not taking care of her, and her kids’ needs which varied from upkeep to school fees.
All this, while some young couples are entering relationships with the expectation that the chosen partner will solve one’s problems and cover all life’s expenses.
Men especially, say in such cases, they are left feeling perplexed, wondering if they are being treated as a means to an end rather than a life partner.
I have however, noted this is happening from both sides. This shift in expectations has led to a re-evaluation of what it means to be in a relationship and has raised important questions about the foundation on which relationships are built.
Understanding the expectations
In any relationship, there are certain expectations that partners have of each other. In a casual relationship, these expectations may be relatively low-key, and somewhat general, such as;
respect for each other’s boundaries and feelings,
honesty and communication,
emotional support and companionship
I do not know how difficult that conversation is for some folks, as it appears they are blind-sided later in their relationships, for instance a couple learning when already married, that they differ about having children or when to have them, how many and so forth. You would think such conversations are pertinent to have before marriage, but alas.
In a committed relationship, the expectations are often more substantial and may include:
Financial support and stability, emotional support and encouragement, shared responsibilities and teamwork and mutual respect and trust
Perils of a transactional approach
When relationships are built on a transactional approach, where one partner is expected to provide financial support in exchange for companionship or other benefits, the foundation tends to be shaky at best. This approach can lead to resentment, feelings of being used, and a lack of emotional intimacy.
To the single men reading this, do reflect on your motivations for entering a relationship. Are you seeking a partner to support you financially, or are you looking for a meaningful connection with someone who shares your values and goals?
If you are not taking care of yourself, how can you expect to take care of someone else, let alone manage a family? Experts encourage that in such a case, you should find legitimate ways to earn a living and become financially stable before seeking a relationship, especially marriage; or show substantial effort in creating income. This may involve:
Pursuing education or training in a field that interests you
Developing skills that are in demand in the job market
Starting a business or side hustle
Taking care of your physical and mental health
Considerations for women
in relationships
Be cautious of relationships that seem too good to be true. Be discerning enough to tell the difference between a loving, caring and hard working man who is just in a bad patch, versus one who is not willing to work and actively contribute to the relationship, or if he is using you for financial gain.
Address what is amiss. Sometimes that means getting good counsel for the difficult conversation of mapping a definitive way forward. A willing individual will show that he is also bothered by his situation and is doing something about it diligently.
Support is critical in such a case. However, if you are met with arrogance, laziness and abuse, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship, applying wisdom in your decision making. Your mental health and well-being are important, so is being valued and appreciated. If you are the one doing all the duties, paying all the bills, buying him clothes and he shows no appreciation, is hardly ever there for you and is unfaithful, it is time for both partners to face reality and decide what happens next.
Why mutual respect
and trust are important
In a healthy relationship, mutual respect and trust are essential in consolidating the relationship. Both partners should feel valued and appreciated for who they are, rather than what they can provide financially which is fleeting and is not all that a strong relationship is about. Effort should not be one sided.
Realignment with God’s purposes
If you find yourself in a relationship that is not aligning with God’s purposes, it is good to take a step back and re-evaluate. Ask yourself:
What are our shared values and goals?
Are we working together to build a strong and supportive partnership?
Are we prioritising our relationship with God and seeking His guidance in our relationship?
If the answers to these questions are unclear or unsatisfying, it may be time to seek counselling or guidance from a trusted mentor or spiritual leader. By realigning with God’s purposes, you can build a strong and healthy relationship that honours Him.
A Biblical perspective
The Bible offers valuable insights into building strong relationships. The portion in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 applies to so many areas of relationships. The passage reminds us that relationships should be built on a foundation of love, respect, and mutual support. Without these, what do you really have?
Ultimately, relationships are indeed complex and multifaceted, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to building a strong partnership. However, by prioritising mutual respect, trust, and communication, couples can create a more solid foundation.
Share your thoughts on what works and what does not. What is your experience or observation? Do you think a man deserves to be “dumped” if not supporting his significant other? Do you think it is unreasonable to expect one partner to be the provider, both in a relationship or marriage? Do you have any tips or recommendations for couples?
Feedback: Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572/Email: lainanaledimakuzha@ gmail.com
