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Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
In the past few weeks we have been talking about boundaries, and encouraging singles to keep hope alive in terms of finding love.
As we journey through life, love often finds us in unexpected ways.
Sometimes, that love comes with a precious package — a child from a previous relationship. Deciding to be in a relationship with someone who already has a child requires careful consideration, selflessness and a willingness to take on new responsibilities.
That’s what I hope we can explore this week and it is coming from a place of love and compassion, in the face of increased media reports of different kinds of child abuse.
I believe when we choose to love someone with a child, we are not just committing to that person; we are also embracing their child as our own. This means providing love, care and support, just as we would our own biological child.
It is essential to recognise the weight of this responsibility and the potential impact on all parties involved.
Unfortunately, we have seen a heart breaking trend not just in Zimbabwe actually, where some couples contribute to the rising child abuse cases. When conflicts arise, innocent children often bear the brunt of the anger and frustration.
Just this week there were press reports of a two-year-old precious boy who was strangled, and had his head bashed against a wall, allegedly by his mother’s boyfriend.
And this is only one of innumerable cases where children are made to suffer because parents are in conflict. This is an abomination.
The Bible reminds us in Matthew 19:14, where Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” In fact a Zimbabwean singer once had this message too: “Regerai vana vadiki vauye kwandiri kani, musavarambidze, Ushe hwekudenga ndehwavo”.
It is critical for adults to learn to work out their differences without taking it out on the children. No matter how angry one gets, we must do no harm to these precious souls.
What are the issues leading to this behaviour? A question I like to ask is where has the love gone?
Some say all sorts of societal ills are at play in our modern society due to a myriad of factors and that some of the abusive behaviours we are seeing could be a cry for help. If that is the case, it would take concerted efforts to address whatever underlying factors are resulting in the suffering of these children.
In some cases professional help and support is needed for individuals failing to cope in relationships or marriages where children from prior relationships are involved. More definitely needs to be done to also raise awareness in families about these issues.
We all can do something in our communities, homes or neighbourhoods, in terms of supporting any efforts and organisations working tirelessly to protect children from abusers. Rather than look the other way, reporting child abuse cases might help save a child.
All I am saying is in the quest for love and successful marriages, if there are children involved, please protect the children in the midst of all else that you may want to do. Be ready to put in the work and to do right by those children.
For couples facing challenges in blended families, here are few tips to consider:
Prioritise the child’s needs: Recognise that the child’s well-being is paramount. Provide a stable, loving environment, and make decisions with their best interests in mind.
Communicate openly: Discuss honestly your expectations, boundaries, and concerns with your partner. Ensure you are both on the same page regarding parenting styles and responsibilities.
Seek support: Sometimes we just cannot do it alone. If overwhelmed, do yourself a favour before things worsen, and reach out to family, friends, or professional counsellors for guidance and encouragement. Sharing experiences and advice can help you navigate challenges.
Foster a positive relationship: Invest time and effort in building a strong bond with your partner’s child. Show genuine interest, love, and care to help them feel secure and valued.
Be the bigger person. You literally are. It is doable!
Cultivate patience and understanding: Blended families can be complex. Be patient and understanding when faced with challenges, and remember that time and effort are essential in building a harmonious home. Pakutsvaka rudo, vana ngavachengetedzwe as a priority.
Bearing in mind that love knows no bounds, and with careful consideration, selflessness, and a willingness to take on new responsibilities, we can create a nurturing environment for all family members to thrive.
If in a blended family and facing challenges in conflict resolution, please reach out to those who can assist as mentioned on the tips I shared earlier in this article.
Views and insights on this topic are also most welcome on WhatsApp +263719102572 or Email [email protected]
Online Reporter