Enjoying your marriage this festive season

Auntie Charity

THIS past week I received an overwhelming number of inboxes and I do appreciate the communication, but unfortunately sometimes I am not able to respond to every message or write about every suggested topic, but when I can, I do.

I received one interesting email about a man who vanishes from his home during the festive season and only returns home when he is skint. So I decided to put together this column and encourage all married couples to take it upon themselves to spend the festive season with their families.

I know the holiday season brings with it fun festivities, but for many women, it also brings a sense of overwhelming stress.

The tension of the holidays can have an impact on the health of your marriage. As you contemplate the upcoming madness of cooking, decorating and shopping, you should also take some time to focus on your marriage. If it needs healing or growing there is no better time to choose so make use of the festive season.

There is nothing like money to drive a wedge between an otherwise happily married couple, and there is a lot of pressure to spend money during the holidays, both legally and illegally. That is why I always emphasise on the need to have open finance policies. Many couples increase their spending during the holidays by as much as double or more for those that still get bonuses or score big.

No matter how much money you make, doubling your expenses will have an impact! Plan a budget together as a couple and be accountable for every cent you spend. You also need to agree on the amount you have available for gifts, travel, food and any other holiday expenses or extras that just show up at your doorstep once a year and that is festive and the rest of the year they never bother to call and check up on you.

So if you are the forever-host of visitors this Christmas avoid that routine and spend more time with your partner because routines in marriage act as a boundary as well and can be boring. Some couples get married and continue the same hustle and bustle lifestyle of going out like they did when single. This is not wrong, but if the husband or wife is never around and always out with friends, then the relationship is being neglected rather than cultivated. Temptations for adultery or emotional affairs can creep in unexpectedly. I have seen it destroy marriages, so how about you avoid spending Christmas day with friends and try spending it with your partner, showering them with love.

I am not saying routines are bad, but the danger with any routine is doing it simply because you have to. So it’s important to remember why you’re doing it and to keep the heart and joy in it all. It’s not about being legalistic or old-fashioned, but giving your spouse the time he or she deserves in order to protect your marriage from anything that could tear it down is a wise way to enjoy your festive.

This one person said this is the time when side dishes up their game and prey on the man and devour every cent they have and when the money is finished they push them back home. So do not let anyone prey on your partner, suck them dry like a yoghurt container and dump them in a trash can. Keep them at home and enjoy the holidays. If you value your marriage you need to protect it and it is the duty of both parties to ensure that their marriages are protected because anything of value deserves to be protected and your marriage is definitely valuable!

Even when things are good in your relationship, it is wise to keep your eyes open, communicate well, and put some “guard rails” in place to keep things on track. Since women are often the more communicative half of a marriage, it may fall on you to initiate discussions and see that important things are addressed. Not that I am saying the burden is yours, but it will help if you take it upon yourself.

Every marriage has different circumstances and challenges, but there are key danger zones that are pretty standard across large numbers of couples and you need to address these very fast. As a person you also should show appreciation for all the good things that happened during the year, thank your partner for all the good before you charge at them for the bad. When you notice what is good in your life and in your marriage, you will strengthen your spirit rather than drain it. Consider making the month of December a month when you should be grateful for whatever you have. It is a small action that can have a huge impact on your happiness today and in the future.

Additionally, the nostalgia and emotionality of the holiday season creates a vulnerability worsened by lowered inhibitions brought on by more drinking and eating than normal. This creates the potential “perfect storm” for people seeking solace outside their marriages and so I will say this is the time you should seriously guard your marriage. Of course, it is hard to get through the holidays without feeling stressed, but I hope that you and your husband can go through it together, stronger than ever.

Romans 5:8 says, But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. A perfect Saviour died on the cross for a sinful you, me and for your sinful spouse. Marriage is made up of two imperfect people who are being conformed daily to the image of Christ through life’s struggles and you should keep this in mind and make the best of your Christmas season.

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