Online Reporter
Fadzayi Maposah-Correspondent
This is an appreciation article for a group of very special men in our lives. While not everyone can be a good person, this appreciation article is for the good ones.
Whether we are blessed or fortunate to have such good people in our lives, there are others who may not be related or connected to us but when we look at them, we appreciate that good men still exist. You may not have been fortunate to have a good father but take a moment to think about it.
There are probably some men that you have in your life or that you know who are good that you may have wanted to play that role in your life if it really was up to you to choose.
This is an appreciation post for the good fathers. Seeing that tomorrow is Fathers’ Day, I just want to appreciate and celebrate the good fathers. Someone may say that the term good is relative. I will share how I have classified the term. Fathers’ Day may not have the hype that comes with Mothers’ Day but fathers are very important.
All children need a good father. For the girls, the father is the first man that the daughter falls in love with. Look at it, there just might be traits of your father in the man that you chose as a partner. For the boys, the father is a role model.
One thing that shows one is a good father is their presence. Presence not presents.
There are some people, male and female, who think that presence can be replaced by presents. No way. Present fathers take an active role in their children’s lives. They are there when it matters most.
These are the men you see at the antenatal clinic accompanying their pregnant partners. You can tell that they are there willingly, their faces are relaxed and they are not acting or have expressions on their faces that they just want to tick it off from the to do list. When they are told of the appointment they diarise it and ensure that they make time for the visit.
When they get there they are not in a rush to leave and also they have told themselves that while the space may be dominated by females, they will just be there because they are supporting their partner.
The presence of the females to them is a minor. They are there for the major reason of being part of the parenting journey.
Such fathers begin the role early and get used to it such that it defines who they are.
The other roles are linked closely to being a father. Allow me to apologise to the good fathers who were at the antenatal and post-natal clinics and got some stares from females being attended there.
The females may stare for a number of reasons, some of them are not empowered to know that males too just have the same right to be at those sites.
So because they lack information, they tend to think that the sites are for females only. It could also be out of envy, that what is so special that the woman did that got her that support.
What is it that she did that they could not do? (I might just get a bashing for this! My Editor, your protection please!) At times as women we fail to be cheerleaders, celebrating when one of our own has it going on well for her. It is sad.
Good fathers make time to learn about their role, their children and their needs. They work to understand the stages that their children are at and when they are not sure they humble themselves to admit that they do not know anything.
These fathers may not have the best of relationships with the mothers of their children, but they make it their business to be there for their children.
These fathers have understood that while they chose who to co-parent with, being a child one never gets to choose parents. It is all really complicated, while a father may be very good with his children, he may not be a good husband or partner to the one he is co-parenting with. The reverse is also true for women, good mothers are not necessarily good wives.
I have had opportunities to be at health facilities and I have seen men being there for their children and partners. They move from one room to the other to ensure that their children are attended to.
I have seen men without cars but who then realise that their are children are struggling with walking and opt just to put these children on their shoulders so that they move. Others with smaller children will get a large towel and wrap it over the child and carry the child on their back.
I was at a physio therapy centre one day and I observed, with respect, a man who had brought his son for his sessions. He waited patiently in line with other parents and guardians while making sure that his son was comfortable.
When one man, who had also come for physio therapy, asked him why he had opted to come when in most instances, it would be the mother who would have easily done that , he responded, “Ndini baba vake” (I am his father).
It has nothing to do with being given love portions or juju. These fathers know that it did not end when their sperm fertilised the ovum. Rather the meeting of the sperm and the ovum marked the beginning of a life-long commitment.
Fathers, you are valued and appreciated. In some instances, brothers, uncles and even grandfathers have stood in the gap when the biological father could not for various reasons. Such love, commitment and sacrifice. Thank you our fathers! Happy Fathers’ Day our special men!
