First Lady bemoans demise of extended family concept

Tendai Rupapa  Senior Reporter

The collapse of the extended family unit largely due to westernisation has spawned a serious lack of morals among people characterised by endless squabbles and trading of witchcraft accusations.

When families become disintegrated, the family fibre becomes weak leading to family unity breaking.

Daughters-in-law feel they are competing with their mothers-in-law for the time and attention of their husbands while elderly members of the family are sometimes accused of witchcraft.

Some daughters-in-law are not allowing their children to visit their grandparents and aunts while children are abusing drugs.

Parents are at times not having time to guide and counsel their children, divorce cases are reportedly on the rise mainly caused by infidelity.

The extended family concept simply no longer exists; domestic violence is on the increase and the list of social issues breaking families is endless.

Due to many invitation letters coming to her office to visit all areas with her educative interactive programme, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa this week visited communities in Muzvezve, Mhondoro-Ngezi.

She engaged the whole family set up in a bid to finding a lasting solution to what is tearing families apart.

With a decline in the extended family support system, Amai Mnangagwa engaged the elderly, parents, boys, girls, mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law, daughters and sons-in-law who freely expressed their views on the common reasons for family breakdown and how to mend relations.

Through her all encompassing programme, she is sowing the seeds of harmony to promote happiness, genuine love, unity and prosperity in families and to correct the cancer of mistrust and hatred which is eating into families.

The community members, all age groups, took turns to air out their grievances pleading with the mother of the nation to address the issues, mould and unite them.

Amai Mnangagwa also took her Nhanga/Gota/Ixhiba programme to the area.

A gifted moderator, the First Lady gave everyone a chance to air their views, while she stepped in counselling people to live together well and respect one another.

So captivating and free was the engagement that people broke into laughter and shared jokes during their presentations.

An elderly lady who spoke on behalf of mothers-in-law said most elderly people were treated as outcasts by their daughters-in-law who accuse them of witchcraft.

“Our daughters-in-law do not love us. They accuse us of witchcraft. Is losing one’s teeth a sign of witchcraft? They do not want their children to visit us. They also say we are competing with them for attention of our sons. When our sons buy groceries, they find it hard to share with us,” she said.

A young woman admitted that indeed they did not regularly travel to the rural areas to visit relatives.

“True, as daughters-in-law we agree that we no longer visit rural areas with our children because some mothers-in-law are hard to please. They should show us genuine love so that we follow suit. 

“In most cases, they would have wanted their son to marry a woman of their choice and if the son does not concur, hatred begins,” she said.

A newly married woman shared her tale accusing her husband of abusing drugs.

“When we got married things were rosy but my husband started taking drugs and things have changed. I am bashed every day. 

“You cannot report to his parents because there the father will also be taking drugs while the mother advises you to bottle up as a disciplined wife saying that is how marriages work. For how long must I put up with being bashed. Even the love fire has died down because of drugs,” she said.

An elderly man encouraged the youngsters to visit the elderly for advice.

“My encouragement is for youngsters to come back to us so that we teach them the traditional moral values. Nowadays they see visiting elders as immaterial. Also domestic violence has worsened among the newly married people. I think as elders we are to blame because we fight in front of the children and they copy this when they get married,” he said.

Another elderly man said couples must learn one another before getting married.

“Our children are just meeting in bars and start living together without visiting the aunties, uncles and grandmothers. Our children are also marrying older women who are older than their mothers. That woman will be disrespectful. We have disrespectful daughters-in-law in our homes who even sleep on the father-in-law’s bed. Long back we would pester a girl for love for a long time unlike today when people just meet and have sexual intercourse,” he said.

A young man left people in stitches when he said he wanted his wife close to him at all times and not to stay with parents in the rural areas.

The slang he used, left people on the ground with laughter.

“We live in the city so the issue of rural areas is real drama. Kudhara ikoko. My wife cannot go to the rural areas because she is not a plough. I did not marry her for relatives so she stays near me at all times. 

“Because of old age our mothers talk too much and end up not in good books with our wives. Proposing love for a whole year like what my elder said here is now in the past. Nowadays we deal promptly takayenda takayenda murudo. 

“Munhu akatondida ndoisa mukitchen without thinking twice. If I take her to my aunt or uncle, what if they say she is not good for me when I love her, what then do I do?” he said.

Another discussant said some churches promoted disunity.

“What causes challenges with our grandfathers and grandmothers is that at some churches we are told that our lives were placed in the bottle by grandmothers, grandfathers and aunties. Once told that I end up hating them greatly. Long back people would sit and correct one another, but not these days when the extended family unit has collapsed and there is no one to correct us. Vekwababamunini havachataudzane nevekwababamukuru (some cousins are no longer on talking terms), the family fibre is now weak,” he said.

The First Lady took time to address the issues encouraging people to love one another, unite and live in peace.

She thanked the whole community for spending time with her and the elderly for training the children.

“I wish to thank the elderly who trained the children some important things that will give them a good name. In the Nhanga, the children were not taught so that they elope today. 

“We came with the aim of making them value their education while preserving themselves as young girls. If we look at a boy and a girl, the girl is mostly affected when they drop their education midway due to pregnancy. This happens when they engage in sexual relations or get drunk and do not know in whose house they wake up. 

“All those are the issues we were emphasising to the girls. I am happy to have met the girls who showed zeal in knowing a lot as they asked a lot of questions. This showed they have thirst for knowledge,” she said.

Dr Mnangagwa paid tribute to the whole community which she said had learnt something new that needed to be shared with others at all times.

Earlier, she had implored children to focus on education and choose their friends wisely to avoid falling into the web of drug abuse and unwanted pregnancies.

She hammered on the need for self-preservation among youths.

This comes at a time when the country is battling an unprecedented surge in drug abuse and general lawlessness among young people and some grown up people.

The First Lady taught the girls in the Nhanga with the assistance of elderly members of the community while boys where taught by elderly men in the Gota.

“We have come to teach our children that they are important and so are their bodies. How about school, are you valuing your education. Education and love affairs do not go hand-in-hand. 

“There is too much mischief that mothers no longer manage to control children as you behave as though you are age-mates. Self-preservation is essential my daughters. The way you walk and dress is essential and also selecting friends who do not lead you astray is important. 

“We are worried as your mothers because you are getting drunk and undressing, leaving boys to do as they please with you. This is where you fall pregnant and do not know the one responsible and contract sexually transmitted diseases. That is not good. Today feel free so that we discuss without being shy or afraid. We have come as your mothers and grandmothers.

Mbuya Maria Masvavike emphasised the need for children to respect elders and value their education.

“We grew up well-mannered because we listened to our parents. We waited for our time unlike nowadays when a 12-year-old is involved in sexual activities. Why not value your education for a brighter future? Education is key such that take to heart the teachings here,” she said.

Similar words were echoed by Gogo Ennet Nhopore.

“Our teeth are falling because of accidents we encounter as we work alone because our grandchildren no longer do any work as they spend time at shopping centres and growth points engaging in mischief,” she said.

Mbuya Toropia Madzivire implored on girls to wait for their time and not engage in sexual activities at a young age.

“Once the children develop breasts, they start acting as though we are of the same age. Even if you counsel them, they take no heed. They do not dread sleeping with boys and to them it’s somewhat fashionable as they accuse us of living in the past. 

“Why destroy your lives and view that as fashionable. If you are abused, learn to report. Girls no longer dress in a dignified manner and leave their bodies bare, maybe that is the new curriculum,” she said, triggering laughter.

Dr Mnangagwa told the children that education was their first husband and needed to be treasured.

“Education is your first husband my daughters and please leave drugs, leave boys and focus on education,” she said.

Some of the girls confirmed they had boyfriends and promised to dump them following the teachings. They agreed that their grades were deteriorating at school because of chasing after many things at once.

The First Lady encouraged grandmothers to carry forward the programme and bring children together for the teachings.

Topics that were discussed included self-preservation, dressing, respect, the importance of education, the effects of drugs, performing household chores and menstrual hygiene.

The children who participated received food hampers, toiletries, reusable pads and stationery.

The elderly who taught the children also received hampers.

Sekuru Samson Njanji, who taught the boys in the Gota said he was pleased with the children’s zeal to learn.

“The children showed great zeal to learn things that are expected of them. We taught them to slaughter a goat and make axe and hoe handles. 

“We advised them to be obedient and not follow the wind by taking drugs and engaging in sexual activities. Children must prioritise their education and not pile misery on themselves by engaging in things that are not of their age,” he said.

One of the learners, Thomas Bvududu thanked the First Lady for fighting hard to preserve the country’s moral values.

“We are so thankful for the Gota programme where we were taught the work that is supposed to be done by boys around the home. We were taught to help our parents and stay away from girls and drugs. We were advised to spend much of our time reading and doing productive things about the home,” he said.

As the country’s environment and tourism patron, the First Lady also led a tree planting initiative at Windmill school.

Traditional chiefs and all community members received food stuffs while the nhanga/gota/ixhiba participants received food hampers, stationery and reusable sanitary wear for girls.

Bulawayo based Iyasa provided edutainment against gender based violence.