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Nhlalwenhle Ncube
FOLLOWING discussions I had with some people after last week’s column of ghosting, I then realised that at times to avoid heartache in a relationship, one should analyse the future and see if they will walk together forever with the other party.
The problem with most people is that they want to force things to happen according to their plans while at times, life’s fate won’t be supporting it. If it’s not meant to be, no matter how much you try, it will not last and he will one day leave you heartbroken.
Being realistic in life, especially when it comes to relationships can save you a lot of heartache and wasted time because you will realise that the future you are planning is likely not going to happen.
And, rather than to give up on your dream of one day walking down the aisle, you can simply give up on that relationship of yours that is going nowhere fast and find a partner who wants the same thing as you.
You know there are relationships which are always off- on. Why torture your heart? If breaking up to make up is the way you constantly operate in your relationship, then definitely something is wrong. One of you, especially the one who does not have any difficulty in calling it quits is not ready for the lifetime commitment. A person who breaks up with you for the smallest, most insignificant things is playing with your emotions and showing you that she won’t stick around when things get tough. Both of these traits are not what you want in a future partner.
It’s always a good thing to have a strong partner by your side, not someone who easily gives up. Also to check if you have taken the right or wrong turn in the relationship, pay attention to your partner’s comments about marriage. If someone repeatedly makes negative comments about marriage every time the subject comes up, he’s basically telling you that he has no interest in it. Instead of brushing his comments off and hoping that you can change his opinion, store those comments in your mind and refer back to them the next time you think about wanting to marry him. If she always thinks of the worst, she will be sitting on the edge waiting to run away. Such people, they easily give up their marriages and leave their partners hurt. Ever thought of those people who divorce over minor issues and you wonder what got into them. No, the truth is that they had pending issues and fears.
If you are dealing with a selfish person, he won’t put you first because he’s not ready to be married. If it’s always about him in the relationship and he treats you as an afterthought, that’s who he is and who he will continue to be. Selfishness has no place in a marriage, so save yourself the trouble and stop fantasising about something that won’t happen. When she talks about her future and it doesn’t include you, then foresee you are not part of her future plans. In future, she can start ghosting you and leave you with a heartache.
When a man is truly invested in being with you, not only does he show his love through his actions, but he’s also thinking about a future for the two of you. This includes career and living decisions, as well as getting married and having a family. Listen to him closely, if he is always speaking about his future in “I” terms instead of “we,” chances are he doesn’t see you as a fixture in his future and marrying you is not on his radar.
Some people will even want your relationship to be a private issue and no matter the number of years you have spent together, he won’t have interest in getting to know your family. A serious partner, will definitely go out of his way to establish some sort of relationship with your family. If your man shows no interest in forming a relationship with your family, that is definitely a sign that he’s not thinking about forever. Avoiding accompanying you to family gatherings or going on family vacations are both signs, but if he has a generally stand-offish attitude around your family that is a red flag as well. When you are truly in love with someone you don’t hesitate to tell anyone who will listen about them. A man who is just using you to pass the time will consistently downplay your relationship and your role in his life. You have to ask yourself why you even want to be with someone who doesn’t proudly tell everyone how much you mean to him.
Interesting one, there are people who avoid the marriage subject at all costs, it is not open for discussion. If your partner quickly changes the subject every time you or anyone else brings up marriage, then you already have your answer!
However, there are some men who will avoid the issue in an effort to throw you off and surprise you. But if he’s been doing this for years, he’s not trying to surprise you; he just doesn’t want to get married.
Putting up with constant criticism in your relationship is something that no one should ever have to go through. A partner who always points out your faults and flaws is not someone you want to marry at all. A future wife or husband should be celebrating you every chance he gets and if he doesn’t, then you need to end the relationship. There’s a fine line between criticism and verbal abuse.
A very indecisive person can leave you heartbroken at the 12th hour. One day she feels this way, the next day she is on a completely different vibe, this behaviour is what causes broken engagements and cancelled wedding plans. You want someone who is firm in their decision to be with you for the long haul, not someone who changes the intensity of her feelings as frequently as the weather.
Lastly, if your partner is still looking, entertaining people of opposite sex, then she has not yet set up her mind. Those on the marriage track are so in love with their partners that they don’t even have the desire to think about other competitors. You do not need someone to come and lay hands on your head and tell you about your own future, but be your own prophet and see if you in the right direction or one day you will be left nursing a heartache.
Let’s get talking on [email protected]
Online Reporter