Forget memories to watch Vampires Suck

Director : Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer (also writers)
Cinema: Eastgate
Running time: 80 minutes
Type of film: Vampires in high school
It isn’t often that I am presented with a film which, due to its age restriction, could not be seen by a majority of its players.
If any who read this are of an age that they can remember the Dracula films of the 1950s and 1960s, leave your memories at home if you plan to see “Vampires Suck.”
As presented on the film’s posters and in its advertising, we are asked to imagine that the film’s title was intended to be Vampires Rule, but the implausibility of any viewers’ believing or accepting this, as a finished product, necessitated the change.
Which reminds me that in the era when vampire films were “a-dime-a-dozen,” they were intended to be taken seriously.
Has it been a gain or a loss that movie goers of today know fully well when the Mickey is being taken out of them?
The film is set in the west town of Sporks, Washington, the state in the very north corner of America. With Canada on the north and the pacific Ocean on the west and a tiny population, we are expected to accept given the prejudice of Americans that the people we meet will all be consummate losers.
Becca Crane is sent to live with her policeman father in Sporks and attend the high school there. No doubt there is no such town in existence; if there were, a law suit by its residents, for calumny, would be in order.
Presented as clowns on those rare occasions when their behaviour bears discussion, the storyline asks us to accept that Becca immediately falls in love with the head of the school’s vampire wing, and begs him to make love to her. He demurs, thereby teaching me for the first time that vampires are required to be virgins.
I was caught completely by surprise by the wit implicit in the high school graduation exercises.
The headmaster noted that Jennifer Owen was voted most popular, but queried the fact that she got over 69 000 votes, whereas the school had fewer than 300 pupils.
I cannot recommend this film to anyone who is not desperate to get in out of the rain.
Adults only age restriction.