Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I AM a 23-year-old lady living with my parents, and I have a close friend whose home I frequently visit.
While her family is warm and welcoming, I have become uncomfortable with her father’s overly friendly behaviour towards me.
I have tried mentioning it to my friend, but she brushes it off as her father’s nature. I am starting to feel uneasy visiting their home, and have begun declining invitations, which has led to her complaining. I want to explain my concerns to her without straining our friendship. How can I approach this situation sensitively and effectively?
Tete Joyie Says:
Navigating this kind of situation takes courage and emotional intelligence, and you are already showing both by wanting to handle it with care.
Here is a thoughtful approach to help you express your concerns while preserving your friendship:
Step-by-step strategy for a sensitive conversation
1. Choose the right moment
Pick a calm, private setting where your friend is not distracted or stressed. Avoid texting. This kind of conversation is best done in person or over a call.
2. Use “I” statements
Frame your feelings from your perspective to avoid sounding accusatory. For example:
“I have been feeling a bit uneasy lately when I visit your home, and I wanted to share something that has been bothering me.”
This helps her hear your experience without feeling blamed.
3. Describe behaviour, not intent
Focus on what makes you uncomfortable, not on judging her father’s intentions. For instance:
“Sometimes your dad’s comments or the way he interacts with me feels a little too familiar, and it makes me uncomfortable even if he does not mean anything by it.”
This keeps the conversation grounded in your experience.
4. Acknowledge her perspective
Let her know you understand she sees things differently:
“I know you have said that is just how he is, and I respect that. But it has been affecting how I feel when I am there.”
This shows empathy and avoids dismissing her view.
5. Set boundaries without ultimatums
You don’t need to demand change just explain your choices:
“I have been stepping back from visiting because I want to feel safe and relaxed. I hope you understand it is not about you or your family as a whole.”
This helps her see your actions as self-care, not rejection.
6. Reaffirm the friendship
End with warmth and reassurance:
“I really value our friendship and did not want to keep this to myself. I hope we can talk openly about things like this.”
Bonus tips
Practice beforehand if you are nervous say it out loud or write it down.
Stay calm even if she reacts defensively. Give her time to process.
Don’t second-guess your boundaries. Your comfort matters.
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Marriage doubts unveil red flags
Dear Tete Joyie:
Hope I find you well, my financially stable boyfriend wants to take our relationship to the next level and meet my parents, but I am hesitant about marriage. When I expressed my doubts, he became upset and started taking back gifts he gave me, including a car. This behaviour has raised red flags for me. I am questioning whether this relationship is healthy and sustainable. Should I try to work through our issues or end the relationship?
Tete Joyie Says:
Retaliation through gift-taking: Reclaiming gifts (especially something as significant as a car) because you expressed doubts is a form of emotional manipulation. It suggests conditional generosity and a lack of respect for your autonomy.
Disregard for your feelings: Instead of engaging in a mature conversation about your hesitations, he responded with anger and punitive actions.
Power imbalance: His financial stability paired with controlling behaviour can create a dynamic where you feel indebted or pressured.
Ask yourself these questions
Do I feel safe expressing my thoughts and boundaries in this relationship?
Is my partner willing to work through disagreements with empathy and respect?
Do I feel valued for who I am, not just for what I agree to or provide?
If the answer to any of these is “no,” that’s significant.
What you can do next
1. Have a direct conversation
If you feel safe doing so, calmly express how his reaction made you feel:
“When I shared my honest feelings about marriage, I felt punished instead of heard. That is made me question whether I am being respected in this relationship.”
This gives him a chance to reflect and respond but it also sets a boundary.
2. Watch his response
Does he listen, apologise, and show a willingness to grow? Or does he deflect, blame, or escalate? His reaction will tell you a lot about the sustainability of the relationship.
3. Trust your gut
You have already sensed that something is off. Emotional safety is non-negotiable. If you are feeling manipulated or coerced, that is not love, it is control.
4. Consider ending it
If the pattern continues or worsens, walking away may be the healthiest choice. You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, not fear of retaliation.
Final thought
Relationships should empower you, not make you question your worth or autonomy. If you are unsure, talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or counsellor can help you gain clarity.
Habitual lying daughter stresses mom
Hie Tete Joyie:
I stay with my seven-year-old daughter, and she is very bright in school. My problem with her that she is in the habit of lying too much. Even if you try talking to her in a nice manner that lying is not good she still lies. What can I do to make this habit go away?
Tete Joyie Says:
You are clearly a loving and attentive parent, and it is wonderful that your daughter is thriving academically. Her habit of lying, though frustrating, is not uncommon at her age and it is something that can be gently guided with patience and consistency.
Here is a thoughtful approach to help her grow out of this habit:
Understand why she lies
Children often lie for reasons that are not malicious:
Avoiding punishment or disappointing you
Seeking attention or approval
Testing boundaries or exploring imagination
Feeling overwhelmed or anxious
Try to observe when and why she tends to lie. It can reveal what she is trying to protect or achieve.
Create a safe space for truth
Praise honesty even when the truth is uncomfortable. Say things like, “I am proud you told me the truth. That is very brave.”
Avoid harsh reactions when she admits something wrong. If she fears punishment, she will lie to avoid it.
Use stories or role-play to show how honesty builds trust and lying can hurt relationships.
Build trust through routine
Set clear, consistent rules and expectations.
Let her know that mistakes are okay and part of learning.
Encourage open conversations where she feels heard and not judged.
Use gentle consequences
If she lies, calmly explain why it is hurtful or confusing.
Let her fix the situation if possible (eg, apologising, correcting the lie).
Avoid labelling her as a “liar” focus on the behaviour, not her identity.
Reinforce with stories and games
Read books or watch shows that highlight honesty and integrity.
Play games that reward truth-telling or involve solving mysteries together this channels her imagination positively.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
