Online Reporter
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube , [email protected]
Men are often metaphorically described as being made of steel, a depiction that emphasises qualities such as strength, resilience and toughness. This imagery reflects societal views of men as naturally sturdy, unyielding, and able to withstand various challenges without breaking.
Such symbolism emphasises traditional ideas of masculinity by showcasing traits like durability, emotional stoicism and unwavering determination. This metaphor illustrates cultural expectations of male resilience and emotional endurance.
Imagine a young boy walking through a bustling park, his feet moving quickly over the rough pavement. Suddenly, his foot catches on a hidden crack, and he stumbles forward, falling to the ground with a soft thud. There is a moment of deafening silence as the bystanders curiously watch his following action.
Thoughts race across his tender mind. His knees skin, and a quick flash of surprise crosses his face. Despite the initial pain, onlookers expect him to brush off the hurt, stand up quickly, and continue as if nothing happened.
He cannot afford to express how he feels about falling and the bruises resulting from it. He knows that those watching want him to behave as a real man.
He must fight for his authenticity in the jungle of manhood. Acting otherwise reduces him to a weakling.
The illustration of the boy’s fall explores the concept of masculinity, emphasising resilience and the societal expectation to overlook minor setbacks. It illustrates how the boy earns social acceptance by demonstrating traits deemed characteristic of a “real man” within constructed gender norms.
Over time, this process leads him to adopt a stoic front, masking his true emotions to conform to the prevailing social ideals of masculinity. This leads us to the third element that melts men.
Skewed help-seeking behaviour
The boy in the passages vividly describes the intense societal pressures imposed on men and emphasises the ingrained expectations that dictate how they should manage their emotions.
It paints a vivid picture of a culture that discourages men from revealing feelings like pain or vulnerability, emphasising the need to always appear unaffected and stoic.
This relentless suppression of emotion contributes to the formation of an idealised image of masculinity — strong, unfeeling and invulnerable — that can severely hinder men from recognising their mental health needs or seeking help.
The description underscores the importance of challenging and shifting these deeply rooted perceptions to promote healthier emotional well-being and open, honest conversations, among men.
Help-seeking behaviour refers to an individual’s deliberate steps and actions when seeking professional support or assistance for their issues or concerns. This process begins with recognising the need for help, identifying suitable services or resources, and ultimately engaging with healthcare providers or specialists to address their problems.
The behaviour can involve various forms of outreach, from initial awareness to sustained interaction with support systems.
Research shows that men are less likely than women to seek help when needed.
This gender gap in help-seeking behaviour has significant implications for health outcomes, mental health support and social services. Understanding the main reasons for this reluctance can help create targeted strategies to encourage men to seek help when necessary. Such initiatives could lead to better health and well-being for men, as well as more efficient use of health services.
Research also indicates many men perceive social norms rooted in traditional gender roles — sets of expectations about what men and women are “supposed” to do — as restrictive. These norms often discourage men from seeking help when needed, viewing such actions as contrary to their expected societal roles.
To effectively address this challenge, men must learn to prioritise their mental well-being. This task can be particularly difficult given that societal norms still often promote traditional notions of masculinity, which can discourage men from openly acknowledging their emotional struggles, especially during crises.
Additionally, men should understand that they cannot handle everything on their own and must be open to receiving help from others. It is also crucial for men to select support communities that promote growth and positive reinforcement, avoiding those that may be destructive or counterproductive.
Finally, seeking help should be recognised as a sign of true strength, not weakness, empowering men to take meaningful steps towards mental health and resilience.
l Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube is a chaplain, counsellor, marriage coach and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded.
He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy and involuntary childlessness.
