From Boyhood to Manhood: Tools for destabilising unsteadiness

Each person who passed by the grave with the inscription: COULD HAVE LIVED BUT DIED HUNGRY UNDER A FRUIT TREE was troubled by a series of questions that continually dripped into their head. The irony of dying hungry under a fruit tree continuously echoed in their minds like an unwanted song. Being bystanders in the continuous flood of this deceased man’s head-on collisions, villagers were left in awe and fear of what became of his life.

A young man full of curiosity and adventure decided to address these questions. On one fine morning, he took a trip to trace the steps of this dead man. Clutching his backpack with notepads and pens, he was determined to find the cause. Down the winding root that led towards the village brook he went. His mind was fixed on providing a solution to this paradox. Before he could get any further, his eyes were lured by something worth noting. He drew close to this object and found that it was a bag.

A strong head-blowing smell came from the direction of the bag. A few flies flew over it betokening some rotting. The stench that came from it could not quell the adventurous spirit of the explorer. Instead, it excited his enthusiasm to unprecedented levels. His inquisitive eyeballs were immobilised by the bag. Curiosity reduced the distance between him and the bag. His heart throbbed in anticipation and leaped into the bag while his hands followed its impulse.

Upon opening the bag, he was greeted by worms that crawled on his fingers and a pungent smell that locked his taste buds and activated retired vomiting enzymes. It seems the worms were coming from rotten fruits that were packed in the mouth of the bag. The dry mouldy bread he uncovered was slowly soaked by unpalatable, nauseating, slimy gel generated by the worms and fruit flies.

Shoving his hands deeper, he found a rolled paper. He removed the string that tied it into a scroll. It was a map that had marked directions. His eyes were charmed by a shiny metal at the base of the bag. To his amazement, it was an ounce of gold. What further shocked him was the discovery that the bag belonged to the man who died hungry under a fruit tree. He had all the provisions that could make his journey prosperous.

The next day, the young explorer went to the grave. Beneath the inscription, “COULD HAVE LIVED BUT DIED HUNGRY UNDER A FRUIT TREE,” he added “DIED HUNGRY WITH BREAD, DIED DIRECTIONLESS WITH A MAP, DIED POOR WITH GOLD!”

Every man born into this world is equipped with tools that can make him steady. With time, these tools lose meaning and importance, and we die hungry under a fruit tree. The voices that speak from each direction drown the originality we have. In imitating others, we forget the tools that will lead us to our destiny. We veer off the road to real manhood as each wind of change blows.

From this tale, there are three tools for destabilising unsteadiness. I have metaphorically used them to describe life’s toolkit. In the previous article, I pointed out that it all begins in the mind. They can only be effective when we are not in an imaginary dark tunnel (see the June 5, 2024 article).

Bread

This young man was given bread to sustain him through his journey to manhood. This is life handed down to every individual. Every day has its portion. This is why we pray, “Give us this day, our daily bread”—a plea for continued sustenance. Every man should ask himself, “What do we do with the daily bread we are given? Am I worthy to continue receiving this portion without any meaningful contribution?

Growing up as boys we liked to buy bread and eat it on the road. However, we were ashamed to be seen by others because they would laugh at us. In life, we sometimes allow our bread to be dry and mouldy for fear of being laughed at. When others share their “cream-doughnuty” or “pastry” lives on social media, we fear to share our “bready” lives. We shrink into nothingness as we meet each obstacle. The bag becomes heavier as joules of energy leave our exhausted bodies. Instead of becoming life’s toolkit, it becomes a lethal weapon to drain the remaining vigour.

To destabilise unsteadiness, a wise man makes each day count. He makes daily advances towards the goal of being a real man. Being alive makes him strive towards what he was called to be. Appreciate the bread you’re given; it is the energy you need to reach your goal.

Gold

When the young man left home, he was given gold to enable him to start his life in a new land. Unfortunately, it was a tool that was never used. Somebody said, “Every man is a gold mine of hidden potential.” The ounces vary with individuals. They are given according to the ability to use and multiply them. These are God-given talents. Any man who knows them, uses them, and multiplies them is better prepared to face life with gladness. He will not be unsteady. Take time to make an inventory of the gold in your bag. What can make you multiply the number of ways you exist? Pursue that with passion as you make your way towards real manhood.

Map

In life’s toolkit, there is a map for every man’s journey. When a man ignores the path cut out for him, he wanders in the manhood wilderness. A desired destiny is arrived at by daily following the map. This destabilises unsteadiness.

To have the steadiness of the sun, every man should ask: What am I doing with the daily bread? What is my gold and how am I using it? Am I still following the map of my life? If not, where am I going?

*Sikhumbuzo Dube is a pastor, chaplain, counsellor and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded people. He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy and involuntary childlessness.