Online Reporter
Iam writing this with a heavy heart, riled and gutted by the increase in gender-based violence and the lives lost in marriages in Zimbabwe in 2026. It should not be normalised at all.
Every headline of a couple that harms each other leaves families in turmoil and children suffering consequences they did not choose.
All concerted efforts to bring awareness by various organisations — churches and community groups are commendable. Yet more can still be done to get to the bottom of what is really happening to couples and to curb further tragedies.
When you listen, the same words come up: infidelity, mistrust and jealousy, paternity disputes, money, “I can’t take it anymore.” And my heart bleeds because we are failing at the most basic thing God taught us — how to deal with offence.
I know I have touched on better conflict management before in this column. But this one is different.
I am adding my voice to all who are calling for a stop to this violence, and saying plainly: it is time we returned to God.
Marriage is not “ownership” of another human being. Your spouse is not yours in the sense that you can say, “If I can’t have them, no one should.”
I cannot say this enough, people belong to God. Your spouse is first a soul loved by God, before they are a cheating spouse, a disappointing husband, a wife who has betrayed you. When we forget that, we become judges, owners, juries and executioners in our own homes.
Whatever may be fuelling the violence, I have found that the gospel of Jesus Christ can change mindsets and hearts to the extent needed for peace to return in homes.
Because the gospel does not just teach you to forgive.
It shows you how much you have been forgiven yourself by God, and how to treat your fellow humans. Ask yourself: Is winning an argument more important than life?
The gospel gives us what anger cannot.
It gives us a law that has no loophole. “You shall not murder.” — Exodus 20:13. No footnote that says “except if she cheated.” No footnote that says “except if the child is not yours.” And “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you.” — Ephesians 4:31.
It gives us a model for forgiveness that is not denial. Forgiveness is a command, not a feeling -because we were first forgiven.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13. Keeping score is a no-no- screenshots, past sins rehearsed at every argument – is extremely destructive.
And of course, forgiveness does not mean you stay where you are being harmed. It means you release the right to revenge. It means you refuse to become a murderer because you were wounded.
It gives us a method for conflict that quells jealousy and negativity.
Conflict must be handled quickly and without violence.
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1. “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” – Ephesians 4:26. “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” -Proverbs 10:12.
I am aware of the pain. Infidelity wounds deeply. Paternity doubt crushes a man’s identity. But the toxicity has to stop. If you kill because of paternity, who fathers the child now?
If you kill because of cheating, who heals the family now? No infidelity, no paternity doubt, no insult is worth your freedom, your life, your children’s motherlessness, or fatherlessness. The toxicity must stop.
May I suggest three practical “returns” to consider:
Return to prayer as a couple. Not performance prayer and not only when facing challenges. Even a few minutes a day is a starting point. I have seen how couples who pray together fortify their union.
Return to the Word of God as your rulebook. The Bible has no argument on murder. “You shall not murder.” Exodus 20:13. It has no argument on how to treat offence. “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you.” – Ephesians 4:31. If you are governed by His precepts, you will walk away when you feel the urge to strike. You will learn to surrender to God the offence that you feel.
Return to wise conflict resolution which may mean intervention or some sort of separation before destruction. A mediated separation is better than a mediated funeral in my view. Pride tells you “this is private.” Wisdom says “this is survival.” Be honest with yourself, recognise when you cannot fix it on your own. Get help.
So I am making a plea today, with hope in God: Let every couple make a decision to guard the peace in your marriage and home.
See each other first as souls that are loved by God, before you see the offence. Agree to keep your children out of your squabbles and to protect their best interests.
There is absolutely NOTHING to envy in violent decisions, so other couples should not be looking to emulate and make it “trendy”.
Let us stop the ridiculousness. Let us choose life. If you feel unsafe, prioritise safety, tell someone today. If you know a couple on the edge, check on them.
Share your experience or ask for prayer and referral contacts. Your story might stop another loss of life.
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