Earning the right to be

are amazed that their mother who loves sadza so much has been denying herself of it and other carbohydrates at supper time, all in the firm belief and hope that her body can go back to the way it was a few years ago.
Will it ever?
I wonder, at times after a rigorous working out session at the gym, my other new passion these days, whose experiences I shall share with you another time.
So this is what the 30s are all about. I just had no idea having cruised through my 20s with a pencil slim body and having been the type of person that no one ever took seriously because I was just so “petite” for want of a better word.
I don’t like using the word “small” on myself and hated it when people around me said, “Oh you are Beatrice. I had no idea you were this small”.
Now two children later and a bit of money in my wallet allowing me to buy all the foodstuffs I used to wish for growing up back then on the streets of Highfield, the story is different.
Don’t I wish for those days now? No one ever says that anymore with the 30s having rolled in.
Instead, it is me trying to breathe in as I walk and rubbishing off comments such as “Oh you have changed”, “Oh you have gained weight” or “Oh you have such thick legs. Make sure you don’t go beyond that because for someone so short you do not want to keep expanding or you will be rolling like a drum.”
Yeah some people are that daring. They can say such things and expect you to grin and nod and go off as if everything is ok.
They do not know that I think about these remarks of theirs later on when I am lying in my bed and that the result is me denying myself the pleasures of eating sadza day in and day out as I used to do throughout the 20s with no repercussions whatsoever.
Any woman who likes to look good will agree with me that it is exciting and a feat when people compliment you on your looks, body, handbag, hairstyle, car and even perfume. They will also tell you that one bad comment about your shoe or the top you are wearing can spoil one’s day.
Now imagine when all your relatives are commenting about how big you have become each time you see them.I think I am going to come up with a standard retort for all such comments.
And I promise that for those who got too far and suggest that I may be pregnant, I will not be blamed for my actions. I might just be forced into doing what a lady should never do; so be warned.
So let me tell you the experiences of a woman once she turns 30. Yes, take it from me. I recently got there and am doing that.
I also see that most of my friends and colleagues of the same age are battling with more or less the same issues.
The truth is things have just begun to change. All of a sudden parts of the body that used to be very firm are not that firm.
I looked at myself in the mirror the other day and wondered whose love handles I was looking at. No, they could not be mine. I just do not do such, I told myself. But the reality is it is happening to me.
Another worrying thing is each time I wear those gigantic heels that I had no problems wearing to and from work many years ago when I used to walk from Copacabana “kumaKombi” (commuter omnibus rank) to Herald House daily in the mornings and evenings without any problems, I have to change into flats at some point during the day.
This is despite the fact that I do very little walking now, just a few metres from the car park into the office. The same deal is repeated everywhere I go. Is this the 30s or just the laziness that accompanies them if you allow it? I don’t know.
All I know is that I find myself thinking more about comfort than turning heads. The 20s were so much about following trends and fitting in and looking just right.
Make no mistake; this woman still wants to look right but on her own terms.
If a hairstyle is so tight on the scalp that it puts me into misery, I will wake up my whole household so they can help take it off. If a shoe makes my life terrible, I will give it away. If a dress makes me look ridiculous and stand out from a kilometre away, these days it is “no thank you”.
Yes there are lows and challenges such as a thickening waistline that come with age for many of us but those are normal. They come with time and experiences. I said to my colleague the other day: “Girl you cannot expect a body that has carried four or five children to remain the same with that of an 18-year-old girl.”
While she can work on her body, thanks to several to dos such as exercise and eating healthy, some of these things one ought to accept gracefully and move on.
As I mature, I have found out that I accept that do not have to be liked by everyone. It is nice to be self assured and honest.
I have realised that there is no way I can please everyone. I have realised the importance of also pleasing myself.
If I feel like an outing with my girls, I will go out.
I can drink that glass of wine without any feelings of guilt.
If I feel like having my mum come over, I will go and get her. If I feel like telling someone to sod off, I will.
If I like someone, I will tell them.
If I feel like learning from them, I will ask.
If I don’t like something or someone, I will tell them.
I can also see the error of my ways and correct them without anyone even telling me.
The 30s are that honest.
If I feel like I cannot deny myself sadza during supper time I eat sadza though I will take smaller quantities than before because after all, my body is a temple of God and the only one I have.
Those are the highs. Making decisions that work for me. Maturity is good.
I have also learnt that I can have so many and as many friends across different areas of my life and they will all matter to me. There are men and women who befriend us through the journey of life that bring about such rich value that we can only thank God for them.
I have learnt to value all of them.
I have also learnt to compromise.
Boy the fantasies and dew in my eyes are all gone and each day I am grateful for God’s purpose for my life, for the very life we are living, the breath we take everyday to be here, for my husband, the children, parents, family, friends and the provision that comes from the Lord for every need. Plus I can now say to young men: “help me with this mukuwasha” without them looking at me as if I am crazy. I actually look like an ambuya now. I can lecture the young girls under the guise of giving them advice.
I am over 30 now. I can even stand up and give a speech at weddings and other such special and important family events. And listen to old school music and really feel that I am part of the old school.
Oh! Did I mention staying behind when ladies are called on to remain after service at church. Yes I qualify now. Before you could see the older women wondering what this little girl was doing staying back when adult women (madzimai) wanted to discuss grown up women issues.
I am certainly looking forward to a good ride through the 30s and beyond. People let us value life with all its imperfections and realities. It is the truest gift all time.
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