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Girlfriend refusing to elope
I am a 30-year-old guy who is madly in love. I have already told my love that I am planning to make her my wife and she has met my parents. The problem now is that I do not have the means of marrying her. Lobola nemamiriro akaita zvinhu is a tall order.
I get my income in local currency and it will not cover the full amount. I am somewhat responsible. I have a stand and I am in school trying to better myself. I will be able to sustain us. She is not big on the idea of eloping. She wants to do things the right way. I do not blame her. I feel like we must live in the moment because when I factor in the life expectancy of my generation, I feel like I may miss out. If I wait for too long she might get fed up with me. What would you advise me to do?
Response
From your communication I can tell that you are not looking on the bright side of life. You are stressing yourself for no good reason. Yes, life expectancy is low, but that does not equate to you and your girlfriend dying any time soon. You have a few things going for you in your life, please count your blessings.
You have found love and you are now engaged or at least both of you are on the same page and want to be together. This is a serious promise that you must keep until you tie the knot. Why do you think she will get fed up with you? Dating is shorter than the time you will spend together once you get married. You have done well by purchasing a stand. At 30, you are still young, do not give yourself too much pressure. You are pursuing education, which is a taxing endeavour on its own. Education is quite time consuming and it is best to do it now while you are still alone. Your girl is right and shows that she comes from a background that values marriage and family. Eloping is outdated. It is unfortunate that the country is going through a very rough patch economically. It is quite challenging to save money for roora. Our culture, however, allows vakwasha to negotiate for a payment plan. Be of good cheer, it shall be well. As long as you love each other, all things will fall into place. I would be happy to hear from you again.
I’m contemplating suicide
I am very depressed and of late I have been contemplating suicide. My husband is to blame for all this. I am a 25-year-old mother of two and my husband is 29. We have been married for two years and I have a child from a previous relationship. Recently, he told me that he was going away for a fortnight. He had secured a work contract and I did not question him. But, when I visited one of our in-laws, I found him residing with another woman there. I got the shock of my life when he introduced me to her as his other wife. I am so angry and heartbroken. I think leaving would be best. It is clear that I am no longer wanted. What is to become of my family going forward?
Response
I am very sorry about what is going on in your life. The worst part is that there are kids involved. This is why I always encourage people with children to make good choices in their lives. If bad choices are made, children are caught up in the mess. You genuinely did not know about the other wife. I do not know whether she existed before you or not and in what capacity. In my view, your husband is cheating on you both. How can he just introduce you to another woman as his wife and yet he never mentioned it to you? If he wanted a polygamous marriage he should have told you. I was very concerned about your letter because you mentioned contemplating suicide.
This idea will not solve anything. You have to reason as a parent, you have two kids that look up to you and depend on you. I urge you to sit down with your husband and come clean about how you want to run your marriage. Marriage is about companionship, love, respect and commitment. If this is lacking you have to reconsider.
Do not force yourself into an unhappy union. From what is happening, your husband and his family cannot be trusted. This is not a good sign and it spells danger. Detach yourself from this mess for the time being and go to court and claim for maintenance from the fathers of your children. It is their responsibility to fend for the children. The choice to continue or not is entirely yours. Put yourself and your children first, love is not complicated or meant to bring about a great deal of pain. Last but not least, please do not keep on having children before you firmly have your feet on the ground. I wish you all the best.
Young woman toying with
my emotions
Makadii amai? I am a 35-year-old man dating a recently graduated 24-year-old. She studied chemical engineering at a local university and recently got a job as a graduate trainee. In the beginning all was well. We communicated beautifully. My issue with her is that she is not committed to me. At one point, I found out she was communicating with one of her former lecturers who was also promising to buy her tight and revealing outfits.
I was outraged, but she refused to give me his number. Her sister resolved the issue. Of late, I am suspicious of her actions. This is someone I want to marry by the way. I even have the money saved up. I have been telling her to put my picture up on her profile on social media if I am her one and only and she always seems to find a way to weasel out of this. I am tired of her childish games. I feel like she is cheating on me. I deserve better.
Response
Hello dear writer, ndinofara hangu. I always say true love will blossom into marriage. This happens naturally, you do not need to arm twist your partner. At 35, you should be able to read between the lines, you should at least be able to see the difference between lies and the truth. Why would her former lecturer want to buy her questionable outfits?
Why did you demand the lecturer’s contact details? You should not have sunk so low. You talk to your girlfriend, these other people are innocent, please keep your pride. If I get you right, you guys are still dating. I am sorry to say you seem very controlling and possessive. You are pushing it to the extreme, this will definitely not be good for your relationship.
Your reason for demanding that she puts your picture as her profile image is very wrong. It is not even a sign of love if it does not come from the heart. Even if she plasters you on her social media, it will not necessarily mean you are a spouse or her lover.
It just depends on what she tells people who inquire. For your own information, love is one thing that cannot be bought. If this worked then your girl would not be flirting with other guys. Please wake up and smell the coffee.
From your communication, it is very clear that you are not on the same page with your girlfriend. She is not as serious as you are, for her it seems gifts and presents are what counts.
I know you love her as you rightfully say, but this is a game of emotions, it takes two to tango. If I were in your shoes, I would invest the money you have raised for lobola into something else and work on this relationship first. The girl may be a major, but she still needs a bit of growing up. Lastly, munhu haafudzwe semombe, it is a waste of time. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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