Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
FATHERS’ Day was last Sunday. But fathering is 365 days. Happy Saturday to you. Last week we celebrated fathers, and shared that the world surely needs fathers and their kindness. This week we go a little deeper. In a world where children are suffering abuse from adults they trust — guardians, relatives, sometimes fathers themselves — good fatherhood is not optional. It is emergency rescue work.
A child’s first idea of God and safety is shaped by their father. If that picture is twisted by violence, neglect, or addiction to gadgets, that child spends life trying to heal what should have protected them.
There is need for discussion and clarity around what good fatherhood is and what it is not. Consider these:
Good fatherhood is:
- Presence over presents. Dr James Dobson wrote: “Children spell love T-I-M-E. Not toys, not money. Time.”
- Firm and loving. God is our model: Hebrews 12:6 “The Lord disciplines the one He loves.” Firm expectations, with zero cruelty. This means you correct behaviour without crushing the child.
- Protector, not predator. A father builds,and should never cause harm. Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Provoke could be: shame, physical harm, or humiliation of the child.
- Playful. Proverbs 17:6 says “Grandchildren are the crown of the aged, and the glory of children is their fathers.” Play teaches rules, teamwork, and it says to your child: “Dad sees me.”
Good fatherhood is not:
- Only provision. Paying school fees but never asking “how are you doing?”, is ‘absenteeism with a bank account’, one family expert says.
- Physical presence and emotional absence. Some dads are home but lost to phones, online games, WhatsApp groups, beer with friends. Your child hardly sees your face. That is “present aloof” fatherhood. And it wounds just as deep.
- Violence disguised as “discipline”. If you were beaten by your father/uncle or guardian and swore “I’ll never do that,” but now your hand rises — STOP. Today. That cycle can end with you. God gives strength to break what your past normalised.
If anger owns you, get help, not shame. Anger management classes exist. Counselling exists. Churches have strong support systems. I’ve often said in this column,seeking professional help is wisdom, not weakness. Proverbs 29:11 reminds us “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Do not harbour dark thoughts and act them out on your children — God is watching. Seek His example: He is firm with us in expectations, yet totally loving. Psalm 103:13 “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him.”
A father can be a good example and impact his children in areas such as education, health, family, faith, mindset and recreation. Space won’t permit discussing these in detail.
Many fathers say: “I’ve never been celebrated. I don’t know what appreciation feels like.” But I believe children, young and mature, can change that: Try these:
- Say it specifically: “Dad, thank you for working night shifts so I could write exams. I see that sacrifice.” Not just “thanks Dad.”
- Ask for his story: “Dad, what was hardest for you at my age?” Honouring his story honours him.
- Give him your time: Regular calling. No agenda. Just “I wanted to hear your voice.”
- Forgive the gaps: He may not know how to be soft because no one was soft with him. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind, tender-hearted, forgiving.” Appreciation and grace can break his hardness.
- Pray for him out loud: “Dad, can I pray for your strength this week?” A son/daughter’s prayer heals a father’s secret wounds.
Life can get so busy with work or business and other demands, such that — without being unreasonable or harsh with themselves — some fathers, of small children especially, might need to check themselves using some of these questions:
- Did my child get 15 minute of eye-contact, no-phone time from me this week?
- Did I speak one sentence of identity over my child: “I’m proud you’re kind/brave/smart”?
- Did I discipline without shouting, shaming, or hitting in anger?
- Did I play one game, kick one ball, or draw one picture with them or monitor their homework even once?
- Did I ask “how are you, really?” and wait for the answer?
God will help you rebuild the areas where you might be lagging.
New dads also need their own different checklist as they adjust to their new babies, which would ideally include things like: learning to hold the baby, talking to them sometimes playfully, as you feed or change diapers, watching, playing with and protecting them.
To every father needing help to be better: Join a men’s group at church. Pray:“Lord, make me the father this child needs.” You can also identify and glean from men of God who teach well on the love and power of God, and on fatherhood, repentance, consecration, intercession, and wisdom.
I would love to hear from you. What is the one change you will make today to improve? Remember love acts — it heals, uplifts, protects. Every child deserves a refuge in these perilous times, and every father can become that refuge. Precious fathers, your children are forming their view of God, marriage, and themselves based on you. So, step up. The world is short of protectors. Be one.Feedback: Connect on Facebook: Naledi Laina Makuzha, or Whatsapp/SMS: +263719102572
