Grandmother is ungrateful

Mudzimba

Dr Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a 36-year-old man and I have a wonderful wife.

We are blessed with two kids, a boy and a girl. I lost my parents when I was aged 16; they both succumbed to AIDS. My paternal grandparents took me and my two younger brothers in.

Growing up under my grandmother was, however, not easy at all. The best the couple did was to put us through school. As a result of that, we are now all professionals and married.

As a sign of appreciation, we built a modern solar-powered house for them. The home also has running water. This is a dream home that we could have built for our parents had they been alive. It is a model home in a rural village. Grandpa speaks highly of us. However, of late, grandma has been complaining to whoever cares to listen that we owe her mombe yechiredzwa (cow that is paid to a person who has looked after someone else’s child). Amai, please help. How do we handle this matter? We thought we had covered what we owed them by building a house for them.

Response

Dear writer, thank you for reaching out to me. I am very well and thank you for asking. First, let me say I am sorry about the loss of your parents when you were very young.

In the same regard, I want to sincerely thank your paternal grandparents for taking good care of you and putting you through school. Well done for building a modern house for them. For the point at issue, culturally, mombe yechiredzwa is only paid when one is brought up by one’s maternal grandparents.

In your case, you were brought up by your father’s parents.

That means you grew up in your own home, so you are not duty-bound to pay that cow, nor does culture demand that you do. Your grandmother is losing it after having done very well in raising you, her grandchildren. She needs to do her research. It would also be wise if there were other relatives in the picture who can make her see sense. I wish you all the best.

Am I being bewitched?

Dear Amai, thank you very much for your Sunday Mail column. I follow it weekly. I am a 35-year-old single lady. I am educated, gainfully employed and self-sufficient.

There are several married women in my neighbourhood who gang up against me because they are jealous of my lifestyle. The only friend I have in the neighbourhood is married. However, she is also a friend of the notorious group.

I get to hear all the gossip from her. Last week, I wanted to confront one of them but this lady friend told me not to do so since rumour has it that she is a witch.

The other problem that I now have is I dream of this woman every night. She really haunts me in my sleep, even though I followed my friend’s advice not to confront her. I feel I should let her know that I am aware of what she is trying to do in my life. Amai, what is your take on this one?

Response

Dear big fan, thank you very much for following my column. I want to commend you for being self-sufficient. It is slowly becoming a rare phenomenon; it is admirable not to burden anyone in providing for you. You mentioned that you are educated.

I assume this gives you more reasoning power and the ability to read between the lines. Your train of thought is, however, illogical. How can you reach a conclusion based on claims, dreams and gossip?

There is nothing tangible that I can work with. I advise you to please wake up and smell the coffee. How do you trust a friend who sides with two factions?

What is her gain? Be careful not to land yourself in big legal trouble by confronting this woman when you have no proof of any case against her. For interest sake, what type of lifestyle are you leading that has made the whole neighbourhood gang up against you? Introspect on this issue and act wisely. Do not create a storm in a teacup.

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I don’t have enough to marry

Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am 24 years old and I have been dating a woman aged 22 for the past two years. We love each other very much and we have agreed to get married on May 18 this year. Introductions on both sides of our families went on well. I have saved US$4 000 for roora (bride price) but raising it was a struggle because money is hard to come by. We both do menial jobs to survive.

The reason I have written to you is my soon-to-be father-in-law has told auntie that he will only accept the marriage date if I have a minimum of US$8 000.

He says he is a church elder and has invited his colleagues to attend as well. I told auntie to go and plead on my behalf, saying for now, I cannot raise such an amount.

The response I got broke my heart. He said they can change the date until I am ready with the amount he wants. He suggested that I look for a loan. I am hurt. Amai, what should I do?

Response

I am well and thank you for inquiring. Your communication made my reading very sad. I commend you for being able to save such an amount single-handedly.

I am glad you are deeply in love with your fiancée; please keep the fire burning. I do not understand how a whole church elder can fail to be compassionate.

The fact that you even want to go down the roora route is nothing short of noble and respectful. Culturally, the entire roora amount is rarely paid in one day.

It just depends on what terms you agree upon. Her family’s behaviour is a red flag. Go to his pastor with your elders, tell them your story and ask them to go and plead on behalf of your family. This is sure to bear fruit. Pray over this as well. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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