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Laina Makuzha, LOVE by DESIGN
I did not realise that striking a balance between work and love remains that much of a challenge until I observed the number of times I get people asking how one can split themselves to give a 100 percent in their marriage, when there are demands from their children, work or business.
We have often discussed finding balance, and with the holidays almost on us — some people feel a type of pressure mounting, to be “all things to all people”. The reality of the times we live in, is that indeed it might be easy to get caught up in the demands of our careers and businesses.
The pursuit of success itself can be all-consuming, leaving us little time or energy for the people who matter most — our loved ones. But what if I told you that it is possible to have it all?
To excel in your career and nurture a happy, healthy relationship with your partner and children for those who have them.
It is no secret that love and marriage take work. The fairy tale romances we see in movies and social media often gloss over the reality of what it takes to make a relationship thrive.
I watched a podcaster who was advising couples to not try comparing themselves to the “perfect couple” images they see on social media as these could be misleading.
He said some of these couples do not get to show you the times they fight, or the times they do not get it right preferring to portray a “çouple goals” image. Real marriage or any serious relationship takes a willing heart and work behind the scenes, so to speak.
It is not just about grand gestures and romantic getaways; it is about the daily sacrifices, the late nights, and the early mornings.
It is about being present for your partner and your family, even when it feels like the world is pulling you in a million different directions.
So, how do couples manage to balance the demands of their careers with the needs of their relationship? It starts with a willingness to be flexible and adapt to changing circumstances.
For many of us, our careers are a significant part of our identity, and it can be hard to scale back or adjust our priorities. But the truth is, being a high-powered executive in the boardroom does not necessarily mean you need to be the same person at home.
In fact, one of the most important things you can do for your relationship is to be willing to play a different role at home.
This means being present, being supportive, and being willing to listen and communicate with your partner. It means being willing to take a step back and let your partner take the lead, even if it is not always easy.
I was inspired by a recent CNBC article about 52-year-old billionaire — CEO of Raising Cane’s Chicken Fingers (a fast-food restaurant specialising in fried chicken finger meals), Todd Graves, who spoke of sometimes having to start work at 4:30am while travelling, to enable him to join his family at the beach by the time they wake up around 11 a.m.
He put it this way: “I’ve woken up at 4:30am to work on vacations — so I can spend the days with family…”
The article went on to say that Graves defines work-life balance as scheduling family time into his calendar, to avoid getting ‘lost’ while growing his company. He could ease his workload if he was happy or comfortable with his level of success — but is unlikely to stop anytime soon — trying to grow his restaurant chain . . .
In the article, Graves says: “I am as busy as anybody I know, I travel as much as anybody I know, but I can work my schedule where I can make most of the things I need to be at, with kids, family or important friends.”
I find that to be a possible solution for busy spouses, because here’s the thing, when we do not play our proper role at home, it can leave a gap that opens the door to all kinds of infiltration — whether physical or spiritual.
We have discussed in the past, how our relationships can become vulnerable to external influences, and we can start to feel disconnected from our partner and our family or left out if partners and children device ways of getting on with their lives without you.
Children grow, they form new friendships and their own communities, and before you know it, they are leaving the nest and you have missed that whole process. That lost time is precious and can hardly be compensated or redeemed.
But by being intentional about our priorities and making time for our loved ones, we can build stronger, healthier relationships that can withstand even the toughest challenges.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Juggling the demands of a high-powered career with the needs of a relationship can be overwhelming, and it is common to feel like you are being pulled in too many different directions.
I have seen some women with demanding careers choosing to go it alone because they feel they just do not have the time. But the truth is where there is a will, there is always a way.
We love by design. It is a choice, to love or not to love. To bring someone into your space or not.
To hope for love or to rule it out or shut it out. If you do decide to have someone in your life, a key aspect that cannot be downplayed is the need to communicate with your partner, to be open and honest about your challenges and your needs — as cliché as that may sound.
I like this line from Season 3 Episode 4 of the TV Series called “Madam Secretary”: A father responding to his daughter’s quest for some premarital advice, said: “Marriage is the nicest way to confront your inadequacies on a daily basis. It is also the greatest journey you will ever go on and you get to go on it with your best friend…”
So, what does it take to make it work? It takes sacrifice, patience, and a willingness to be flexible. It takes being intentional about your priorities and making time for your loved ones.
And it takes communication — lots and lots of it. It is amazing how expressing oneself or being open with your partner about challenges, can set the tone for a solution that works for both of you.
It is also important to find resources that can help you de-stress and focus on your family. This might mean seeking out counselling or therapy when overwhelmed, joining a support group or form one within your circles, or simply taking time for yourself to relax and recharge.
By prioritising your own well-being, you will be better equipped to handle the demands of your career and nurture your relationship. There is hope.
We want to hear from you! Share your story, your challenges, and your experiences with us. Have you found it impossible? How do you balance the demands of your career with the needs of your relationship? What sacrifices have you made, and what rewards have you reaped?
The intent as always, is to explore and work together to build stronger, healthier, happier families in the various facets.
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