How do you build true and lasting friendships?

A Bahá’í Perspective

Flora Teckie

Yesterday was the International Day of Friendship.

The day which is celebrated on July 30 is a time to reflect on some requirements for true and lasting friendships.

True and lasting friendships must be founded on sincerity and trust. They must be all-embracing and based on a spiritual bond, rather than physical and material attractions.

The Bahá’í Writings encourage us to actively try “to establish ties of friendship that show no regard for prevalent social barriers and ceaselessly endeavour to bind hearts together in the love of God”.

This entails valuing our differences and acting as the citizens of one common homeland and as members of one human family.

The Bahá’í Writings state: “Be kind to all people, love humanity, consider all mankind as your relations and servants of the most high God. Strive day and night that animosity and contention may pass away from the hearts of men, that all religions shall become reconciled and the nations love each other so that no racial, religious or political prejudice may remain and the world of humanity behold God as the beginning and end of all existence. God has created all, and all return to God”.

A requirement of genuine and lasting friendship and fellowship is to be able to share our ideas with kindness and not to dwell on people’s faults or, worse, to broadcast them to others. Rather, we should concentrate our thoughts on love and unity, focus upon the good qualities in people and forgive each other’s shortcomings.

The competitive attitude, in various aspects of life, trying to come first always and often at the expense of others, promotes separateness rather than harmony and unity.

Sincerity is a key to true and lasting friendships

True friendships are founded on sincerity. The Bahá’í Writings state: “Do not be content with showing friendship in words alone, let your heart burn with loving kindness for all who may cross your path” and “Be ye sincerely kind, not in appearance only”.

To be sincere and genuine in our friendships and fellowships are also the requirements for building harmonious and united and peaceful communities.

Of course, good ideas and noble thoughts in themselves are not enough. They must be translated into action.

The Bahá’í Writings, for example, while asking us to love all races and religions emphasise the importance of sincerity and acting in line with such noble thoughts. The Bahá’í Writings prescribe: “Love ye all religions and all races with a love that is true and sincere and show that love through deeds and not through the tongue; for the latter hath no importance, as the majority of men are, in speech, well-wishers, while action is the best”.

Trustworthiness as a key to true and lasting friendships

One of the most important requirements of true and strong friendships is being worthy of the trust of others. When people know that we do what we say, and say what we do, that we keep to our word, that we practice what we preach, they will naturally trust us. Trust and faithfulness are, therefore, the basis of all lasting fellowships and friendships.

The Bahá’í Writings state: “Trustworthiness is the greatest portal leading unto the tranquillity and security of the people. In truth the stability of every affair hath depended and doth depend upon it” and that “Trustworthiness, wisdom and honesty are, of a truth, God’s beauteous adornments for His creatures”.

We often wonder whether true friendships and unity will be possible despite our shortcomings and differences.

According to the Bahá’í Writings, it is possible.

They advise us to: “be in perfect unity. Never become angry with one another. Let your eyes be directed towards the kingdom of truth and not toward the world of creation. Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves.

You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God. Humanity is not perfect.

There are imperfections in every human being, and you will always become unhappy if you look towards the people themselves. But if you look towards God, you will love them and be kind to them, for the world of God is the world of perfection and complete mercy”.

Another requirement of true and lasting friendship is serving one another. Through serving one another, the essential principles for genuine friendships and social integration – including compassion, tolerance, love, understanding, humility and sacrifice – are manifested in individual and community endeavours.

True and lasting and all-embracing friendships can, therefore, be built through sincerity and trust and by a loving attitude towards all, from whatever background they may be.

The Bahá’í Writings state: “consort with the followers of all religions in a spirit of friendliness and fellowship” and “… associate in friendship; love one another; abandon prejudices of race; dispel forever this gloomy darkness of human ignorance, for the century of light, the Sun of Reality hath appeared. Now is the time for affiliation, and now is the period of unity and concord”.

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Website: www.bahai.org

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