How repairmen pull a fast one on you

Lenox Lizwi Mhlanga, on Saturday

Welcome to the New Year. It’s time for new beginnings and new plans. 

Firstly, I would like to apologise for the prolonged silence. There is a life-changing business project that I have been working on that really ate most of my holiday and free time. Watch this space for developments.

So, I will begin by putting it out there that I am a very opinionated person. That is the whole point of this column. So, for people to criticise me for just being that is neither here nor there. Whether one agrees with my opinion is one debate I will park for another day.

My beloved laptop decided not to power back on at a time I needed it most. Our over reliance on these gadgets meant near total paralysis. I could not even think. So off I went to the technician. I should confess that I am one of those people who weigh my options when something in the house malfunctions.

It tempted me to reach for the screwdriver and make an assessment of what was wrong. I am what experts call a ‘crazy carrying a screw-driver.’ Never mind me not knowing jack about computers. 

So cutting a long story short, I gave one of those high street computer techies the benefit of doubt. I must mention here and now that the guarantee of the laptop had long expired. The technician, looking all important and knowledgeable (the precursor of a huge bill) asks me questions that will help make his diagnosis. 

Deep inside, a small voice was saying, “Get on it, I know you are setting me up to grab my arm and leg!” After a short enquiry, and without opening the laptop, he says I should take a walk and come back after 30 minutes. He would have figured what was wrong.

I know you are thinking what I am thinking. Why am I being sent away for 30 minutes for a simple prognosis when I could just sit there and watch the maestro at work? That is where the trick is. They don’t want you to see what they are doing or not doing!

For all we know, it could be a dead cockroach stuck in the switch or something closely silly as that. It might have just needed a few deep breaths to blow it out for all we know. But anyway, I fell for it by giving him a full hour while I did some unwarranted window shopping.

I then went back and prepared for the worst. The telltale sign was him saying that the problem was some switch and software glitch that he did not seem to be keen to go into detail because I wouldn’t understand, anyway. I responded to say I had all the time to hear exactly what he did.

You and I know that if there is one thing that works up a technician, or mechanic most, is a nosey client. I was as irritating as possible because I knew what was coming. I just had to be dead sure of what I was paying for through the nose.

After some long winding techno babble, I then stopped him by asking how much it would cost. If a technician starts by trying to make the whole process complicated, then you know you are in trouble. It’s like that low and continuous whistle a mechanic makes when he is under your car.

When he eventually came up with the cost, it shocked me to the core. And to make it worse, it was in US dollars! I had half the mind to get him arrested, then I thought of what one goes through when reporting someone to the police. You end up thinking you are the criminal the way those guys interrogate you. That is besides asking you for your transport to do what the constitution of the land requires of them.

Anyway, I was determined not to pay the extortionate figure. But then that small voice cautioned me to look on the bright side. That the laptop was working once more meant that I would make more money and forget they robbed me. 

We should thank God for this thing called a conscience. I grudgingly paid the last foreign currency that I had between me and poverty. It was a very painful exercise only rivalled by giving birth and having a tooth removed.

So let me put it out there that all techies and mechanics take advantage of our ignorance. And I can vouch here and now that ignorance is very expensive. However, in these days of YouTube, you can search for a video that can turn you into an expert in minutes as long as you know how to follow instructions.

I know you are asking me why I did not think of this earlier. If you have had a laptop malfunctioning, you literally stop thinking. The superstitious may call it witchcraft. The next thing you think about is getting a good technician to help you out of your malaise. Usually, you enquire from your networks about any good techies out there and there are a dime a dozen of them.

Problem is during that talent search, we forget to ask how much they charge until they have ‘fixed’ it. Yes, the operative word is to fix, because that is what it is. The other thing I have observed is that techies size you up before they charge you some thumb-suck figure. Dress smart and prim, they leave you for dead I tell you.

It’s the same as driving a car to the vegetable market to do your shopping. That raises the value of your stock even before you talk to the vendor. So it pays to be streetwise when you deal with people. And learn to bargain, even if it sounds cheap. Everyone is taking chances, so set your limits and work hard to get to the figure you are comfortable with. That will save you some precious dollars.