Online Reporter
Anthony Sytsma and Jonny Kabiswa Kyazze
Managing money as a couple can sometimes be complicated and stressful, with trials and errors. But learning how to do it well is very important for a healthy marriage.
Many couples have faced on-going struggles and conflicts because of their different views about how money and resources should be managed in a family. Many times, the difference in views comes about because of our different cultural beliefs and backgrounds; the practices and values of our parents; past experiences or mistakes; and stories we have heard from other couples.
Over time, some common areas of misunderstanding have been noted. A husband and wife both have full time jobs, but the wife might not want to use her salary to pay their children’s school fees because she was told it’s the husband’s job to provide for the family. A wife might have no information on the family’s bank account and land titles. Conflicts may arise on how to take care of relatives on both sides of the family.
So let’s do some self-reflection on our own practices before we think about helping others.
Five Common Models for Managing Money
Which of these five options below is practiced in your own marriage or which one best describes the common practice of families in your community? The husband:
- Should decide how all the money is used as the head of the family.
- Should decide how all the money is used but should be willing to ask his wife for her suggestions.
- And wife should discuss and make decisions together for how money should be spent. The husband takes the leadership role in these discussions and chooses what to do if the couple disagrees.
- And wife should discuss and make decisions together for how money should be spent. They each get an equal opinion. The husband’s authority as a head does not need to be seen as being challenged by decision making through consensus.
- Should decide what to do with the money he earns, while the wife decides what to do with the money she earns. Both should use some of their money for the family’s needs, and both can use money for other projects as well. But they manage their money separately from one another and don’t make decisions together.
Knowing which of these options is most appropriate for a Christian family isn’t a simple matter. For the Bible gives us general principles about marriage and being good stewards of our finances. It doesn’t give us a specific answer to this question: which of these options is most appropriate?
Money Matters and Biblical Headship in the Home
The Bible affirms that God has appointed authorities in various areas of life. So it is right for us to respect these authorities (Romans 13:1-7). This includes the authority of parents over their children, and a husband being the head of his wife. There is considerable debate among Bible scholars on the topic of “headship,” but we believe that the husband has a leadership role in the family. This leadership role should extend to the family’s budgeting and planning.
Biblical leadership does not mean living as a dictator and making all the decisions without discussion. Both men and women are created in the image of God and are to be co-labourers in stewarding God’s creation (Genesis 1:27-30). The husband and wife are to live as one flesh (Matthew 19:4-6). The wife belongs to her husband and the husband also belongs to his wife (1 Corinthians 7:1-4). Paul teaches that the husband and wife are not independent from each other (1 Corinthians 11:11). In contrast to what sometimes happens in our cultures, husbands and wives are supposed to be partners, not acting in isolation of one another.
Living as one flesh means living together physically, economically, spiritually, and emotionally. The “I” is replaced with an “us” or “we”. There should be recognition that we are one and accountable to each other. The goal is unity that is demonstrated in everything we do. Of course, men and women have different responsibilities and roles in marriage. But we need to carry out these roles with unity and joint decision making in the use and management of resources, including money.
We need to be willing to put Christ first and go against cultural or family expectations and worldly teachings to honour Christ in the way we manage money in the family. Change isn’t easy. A good first step is to dig deeper into the Scriptures that were mentioned above. After that it will be important to talk together with your spouse and pray together. Discuss together the following principles about managing money.
Seek God’s Guidance
As couples, we need to seek God’s guidance through reading his word, prayer, and reflection, before discussing or making any financial decisions. “Trust in the Lord with all your hearts and lean not on your understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). This reminds us to surrender and invite God to guide us in the way we manage our money.
Communicate
We need to create an environment that encourages open and truthful sharing of information. As couples, we should discuss our financial experiences, goals, values, concerns and expectations. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us to seek counsel and guidance from each other and other people before making important decisions. Without it our plans may fail.
- Agree on Bank Accounts
In a marriage, it is very important to agree together on how we want to manage and run our finances in the bank. This will promote transparency, openness and accountability. We can either decide to have a joint bank account or separate accounts. Whichever type is decided, it is important to have both spouses as signatories to the accounts or co-signatories. Each spouse should be able to access the bank accounts. Secrecy of bank accounts or finances does not demonstrate the oneness referred to in Matthew 19:4-6.
Budget Together
As couples it is important to plan for our financial spending through budgeting and using biblical principles as a foundation for good stewardship. “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5).
A budget informs us of our spending patterns. We need to decide whether to have a monthly, quarterly, and annual budget and allocate funds according to priorities. A budget helps us to plan and know our daily spending as well as align our short-term or long-term goals and priorities. It further informs us of our spending patterns, helps in avoiding unnecessary expenditures and promotes accountability to each other. We should keep records and always review our expenditure versus our income to ascertain whether we are living within our means or above our means and then we can adjust accordingly.
Reflect on Proverbs 10:4, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.”
Work towards saving, investing
We should plan for our future by saving and investing in short or long-term ventures that conform with our values, beliefs and goals, and align with the biblical principles. Deuteronomy 8:18 reminds us that it is God who gives power to make wealth. “In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has” (Proverbs 21:20). This reminds us to plan and save for the future. From all our incomes as a couple, we can agree and allocate a percentage for saving and investments. — TGCAfrica
