adminAnn Ruthenburg Wedding Diary
HI there folks, I hope your week has been great. It has been mixed feelings for me. It just hit me that we are in the second half of the year which means all those plans etc., need to be speeded up now or just drop them. So yes, all my plans are in the process of making their way to the “next year” bin. Lol!
This week, I will attempt to answer a question from Sally, who said: “Hi, I know you talk about wedding and stuff, but my marriage is in trouble. I am so sure my husband is cheating on me, but I do not know what the actual signs are. Also I have not caught him in the act. I have asked him, but he gets rough and denies it. Help me, how can I find out if he is cheating without catching him in the act?”
Sho, that is a tricky question my dear. But I must start by saying women have what we call a sixth sense, which seems to warn us about things before we encounter the actual event. So your suspicious might have a basis, but maybe it is not that he is cheating. Maybe he is just hiding something like your birthday party etc. The reason I say this is that, men are not good at being deceitful. They try and do it as long as they can get away with it, but the truth is they feel guilty all the time and if they are caught they react badly. I always say there is not a man in the world that can get a away with lying to his woman. Women always know. Just ask his mother.
So as counsellors we have what we call a Cheats Ruler. This is what we use as a guide to help us determine whether a man is cheating or not. It is 60 percent correct. I say 60 percent because a person is innocent until confirmed guilty. The 40 percent is the hard evidence or his admittance to the affair if there is one. Also we have found on our research of men, that as long as a man is doing something wrong not necessarily having an affair; he will show at least 50 percent of these signs. So please tread carefully.
Do not make accusations until you are at least 80 percent sure, which means you need evidence dear.
So how do you spot a cheating partner?
UNEXPECTANT ABSENCES
Men are creatures of habit, I promise you. So when your man starts disappearing at odd times, or starts coming home later, or just disappears without explaining himself, or constantly hangs around at a certain place that he does not want you to be at – you get the picture. Unexplained constant absences are a warning sign. But then again, he might just be trying to organise your birthdayparty behind your back lol.
DEFENSIVENESS AND WITHDRAWN BEHAVIOUR
This is a major sign hey ladies. A man with a guilty conscience will always become defensive. Mostly they get sharp or aggressive or defensive or withdrawn. Basically he becomes a different person to the man you know. But then again he would act the same way if he has just lost his job or failed at something major.
CHANGES IN AFFECTION OR INTEREST
Like I said before, men are creatures of habit. If he used to hug you or hold your hand in public, then all of a sudden he does not find it okay – get worried. If he couldn’t wait to get home to jump on you, and then all of a sudden you basically have to beg for sex – get worried.
CHANGES IN COMMUNICATION
Now this does not necessarily mean talking to each other, although it might. This is when you man is not comfortable with you using his phone. He has the phone you see and the one you don’t. He takes his phone with him everywhere, to bath, to use the toilet (serious). He puts passwords on his phone, IPADS, Computers etc. Listen girlfriend . . . “PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE . . . HIDE NOTHING”.
FINANCIAL WOES
Let me tell you ladies, any man who is having an affair, ends up having to spend more money than ever. No woman is going to be a mistress or have an affair with a man who cannot give her more than she can give herself, or more than another guy can give her you understand? So you need to find out what’s happening in his finances, check receipts, check where he spends money and for what where you can. If he starts complaining about you needing too much money and his complaints are unjustified, it might be because he is needing to share the money with another woman. If of cause he is a wealthy man; this point may not even come up. Or if he is a dealer, you may never be able to find out how much money he actually makes, or whether he is broke of not.
LYING
This is also a big one. But if your man has always been a liar, this point may not work. Also you need to be sure he is lying and not you just been insecure. They also end up answering questions you did not ask. They also tend to avoid the question by throwing a question back at you. And so forth.
UNEXPECTED CRITICAL ATTITUDE
Men are usually supportive of the woman they love, but when they are having an affair, or planning to have an affair, they tend to get very critical. Whether it’s the way you dress, or the way you speak, or the way you walk, cook, act and so forth. I know many men that start by refusing to be seen with the woman or to sleep with her as often because he says she is now too fat. Yes you may have picked up too much weight, but men who are not having affairs, still love their wives (even if they are overweight). He may turn from a gentle loving man to a beast or maniac. You may not be able to do anything right in his eyes at that point. But then again, if you have low self-esteem, or as a woman; your man might get to a point where he has had enough and he might start confronting you on that – especially if you have picked up major weight.
So do not confuse constructive criticism with a man who is hiding his cheating.
If your man has over 50 percent of these above, . . . I think; he just might be cheating on you my dear.
When all is said and done though, I know some men who have cheated on their wives all their married life, and the wives never knew. How is that possible? Well there are men who have mastered the art of cheating through reading articles like this kikiki.
Also there are women who choose not to see those things in their men because they made a choice, that no matter what the man does that’s negative, they choose to see the positive, simply because they have too much to lose. I’m not sure which you are, or even whether your man is being unfaithful. All I know is that an affair is not the end of a marriage unless you choose to make it so. Each person has to decide for themselves how far they are willing to allow their partners to push them in their relationship. Do not let me tell you what to do; do what feels right to you!
Hope this helps people. So that’s it from me for another week. God bless and have a great week.
Anastasia can be messaged on 0772933845.
Online Reporter