Andrew
Son broke my wife’s heart
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. An unfortunate accident left me unable to sire children. I knew I was biologically incapable of fathering my own children before I married my long-term girlfriend, and I did not mention this to her. After we tied the knot, circumstances forced me to confess.
She was heartbroken, but vowed never to leave me because I was her world. She suggested adoption, but I made another blunder of consulting my family, who shot down the idea. We ended up taking one of my brother’s sons and looking after him as our own kid.
This child is the only one of my brother’s children who has made it to university because my wife’s company pays fees and takes care of his welfare. He drives a top-of-the-range car that my wife gave him after she bought a new one. Last week, he was involved in an accident due to drunken driving and it was by God’s grace that he is alive today.
My wife talked to him and told him that driving under the influence of alcohol is irresponsible. He became furious, said unspeakable words, and told her to have her own child because he did not want to be lectured to. My wife is devastated. Is this what life is about? How do I help my heartbroken wife?
Response
Hello writer, I am very sorry you went through a rough ordeal. I am, however, saddened by the fact that you consulted your family on whether it was a good idea to adopt or not.
That was a decision that should have been made between you and your wife. She had been very understanding and quick to forgive you for not confessing that you cannot sire kids before you got married. This young man bit the hand that fed him. You have worked hard to uplift him and his family.
Words cut deep and drunk driving is a terrible way to repay you and your wife. Have a candid talk with him and ask him to apologise to your wife. I do not think he should go back to his father’s house — that is running away from the problem. You may even look for a mediator or a counsellor to help right the wrongs he has committed and bring the family back together. I hope he learns from this and you continue to grow from strength to strength as a family.
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Hubby still obsessed with ex
Thank you so much for your column in The Sunday Mail. I am 33 and married to a 34-year-old guy, and we are blessed with two kids. I need help because I am being pushed to the limits by my husband’s behaviour. My man is always on social media interacting with his ex.
She is married to another person. I asked him what they always talk about and why they cannot break up this friendship. I wonder why they did not get married if they loved each other this much.
This year, my hubby bought this woman a very expensive phone for Valentine’s; in comparison, he bought me just a bottle of wine. I got this information through the grapevine and confronted him. He said it was true, but I should not worry because their relationship is no longer romantic since they are both married.
Who believes such nonsense Amai? I do not want to take the law into my own hands, but for how long will I waste my time while we are drifting apart as a couple? I feel like confronting this woman or her husband with the evidence I have. Please advise.
Response
Hello writer and thank you for being a big fan. I can sense your level of discomfort. They say where there is smoke there is fire. This association with ex’s must be done away with. Please rope in a senior relative of his, like a Sekuru, and tell him what is going on. Getting her a better gift than yours is very disrespectful.
The fact that he does not hide how he gets along with this woman is spiteful. Does he still care about this marriage? If this relationship is to be salvaged, he needs to cut all ties with this woman and you need to undergo couple’s therapy. Express the hurt and distress this is causing you.
Ultimately, the way he acts and responds after all these steps will determine if you stay with him or not.
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I want to better myself
I married my childhood girlfriend after we both finished our Advanced Level. We now have three kids and we love and respect each other. Amai, I regret that I did not listen to my wife when she said we should improve ourselves educationally back then. She is now a chief executive officer of a very prestigious company. She did her masters and several diplomas that are relevant to her profession.
Amai, I cannot compare my salary to hers. It is like comparing apples to oranges. She is so beautiful and humble she does not talk about her success.
She is a people person; a blessing and a miracle in my life. I know the load she carries but she has never complained. I now feel uncomfortable and useless. What can I do to raise my status?
I pray she does not run away or find anyone better. I have poured my heart to you Amai; this is stuff I cannot share with anyone. I have lost my pride as a man. Please help!
Response
I am very well and thanks for writing in. Congratulations on keeping the fire burning. I am glad you have seen the error of your ways and are keen on adapting. It is a life goal to continuously better yourself. Re-enrol and work towards attaining your dreams. She is well-equipped to assist. I am sure she will be open to it.
In marriage, wealth is shared between two individuals. Do not become too insecure about your position. If she is content with having a spouse of your stature, then she is in it for the long run. Try to think outside the box. See success in terms of enterprise and entrepreneurship.
What projects can you embark on to generate income? What business seminars can you attend? Financial success will not entirely depend on your salary but on how many multiple streams of income you can establish. Be of good cheer and work on uplifting yourself. Do not go creating storms in teacups. Remember to continue enjoying your wonderful union.
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Online Reporter