Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this finds you well.
I am 32 years old and I recently got married. I must admit I was very unlucky in love and had decided to give up until a lady from our church played matchmaker.
My husband, who is 33, and I got along well from the moment we were introduced and we got married after six months.
We love each other very much.
To show my appreciation, I bought the matchmaker a beautiful dinner set. We occasionally visit them, and her husband is very welcoming.
My husband and I both have good jobs and our marriage has started on a very promising note.
However, last week, I gave a lift home to one of the young ladies in the choir after church. She told me that my matchmaker was bragging to other congregants, saying had it not been for her, I was going to die single because I am foolish.
I was shocked, to say the least, and utterly heartbroken. Would it be wrong if I confronted her? I have not told my husband yet.
Response
I am well, thank you for asking. Congratulations on tying the knot and finding a loving spouse. It was very kind of you to show your appreciation for your matchmaker’s efforts.
Marriages are made in heaven; that is why it worked out smoothly. Keep the fire burning. I am glad you have not told your husband because you have no proof of whether this happened or not.
I personally doubt this occurred exactly as the choir member told you. You must be wary of cheap gossip. It can destroy you, your relationships and even your marriage.
Be the bigger person. Pay attention and see if more of this chatter pops up. The other mind-boggling question is: What did this woman want to achieve by telling you all this? I would be happy to hear from you again.
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I’m yearning for freedom
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail. I follow it religiously.
I am a 28-year-old woman and my fiancé is 30. We are both degreed, gainfully employed and live in the same city.
In the beginning, our relationship was really great, but it is now eight years since we got engaged.
I have repeatedly asked my fiancé why we are not tying the knot and he responds each time by saying he is not yet ready to settle down.
My aunt (tete) went to ask him about his intentions after my parents complained about this long engagement and she was given the same answer.
I feel like a caged animal. My biological clock is ticking away. I cannot do as I please because of the ring on my finger.
To be honest, I think we are both losing interest in each other.
When is he going to be ready to commit?
I cannot spend the rest of my life waiting for him. He even goes through my phone to check for new numbers and messages. I missed my chance of going abroad because of this arrangement.
Amai, please help me. I am yearning for freedom.
Response
Thank you very much for writing in and supporting the column. Your letter makes for sad reading.
While you did not state outright what is truly in your heart, I can certainly sense where this is going. What was the purpose of your engagement?
Why is your love beginning to fade like cheap fabric? I completely understand your family’s concern because this situation now seems meaningless. It may have been a wrong decision, to begin with.
I advise you to urgently convene a meeting with your tetes and mbuyas from both sides, and have a candid discussion mapping out the future. Let them know the truth.
It does not help you to keep holding on to what may be a pipe dream. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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To do or not to do?
Dear Amai, I am a 29-year-old married man and my wife is 25.
We were blessed with a bouncing baby boy one month ago.
Our parents are all still alive. The two grandmothers have agreed that the baby should be given protective traditional medicine for nhova, mudumbu, ndongorongo and so forth.
My wife and I said no to this because we believe in Western medicine.
They took great offence, but I stood my ground.
We intend to follow the hospital’s advice: Get the baby vaccinated at specific intervals, breastfeed him for six full months before introducing solids and proceed from there.
Now, they are making threats that if we do not administer the traditional medicine, something unfortunate will happen to the child. We are scared. Please help. What should we do?
Response
Hello and congratulations on the birth of your son.
You are a young couple and while your parents have the best intentions when they advise you, they should not take offence or make threats, especially when it concerns your most precious gift.
They should explain the merits of their recommendations without resorting to fear. In our culture, some believe in protecting the child by giving them these traditional medicines. Whether it works or not, nobody knows for sure.
I will give you my opinion, which may differ from that of others and diverse cultures.
The issue is debatable. Children are gifts from God. He who gave you the child will protect him.
Western medication complements efforts to take care of the child because it is scientifically proven. The final decision, therefore, must come from you because you are the parents.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
