Andrew
Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married man and father of two teenage boys. My spouse is a full-time housewife, who has a lot of time on her hands. My parents stay at our rural home. My in-laws have a farm and they stay there.
Two years ago, my in-laws gave my wife a piece of land without my knowledge to grow whatever she wanted. She stays on the farm more and I stay with the kids. To begin with, I thought they would be polite enough to just tell me about the land they gave her. I do enjoy the proceeds from the farm with the family, but I cannot sacrifice my better half.
As I write, she is on the farm, preparing land for cultivation. My mother is not feeling well, so she came here for treatment. I asked my wife to come and help, but she refused, so, I took a fortnight off from work to help my mother. I am very angry.
This is not going down well with me. I am afraid I may explode. How do I resolve this issue?
Response
Hello, and thanks for writing in. I am sorry about what is transpiring. Marriage is about teamwork and it seems your wife has forgotten that. It is one thing to love what you do and it is entirely another thing to neglect your spouse and kids.
You need to voice your concerns over what happened and how you can get her to spend more time at home. Refusing to assist your mother in her time of need was unacceptable.
She should be embarrassed. If you really want to effectively solve this problem, alert your in-laws about the problems that are emanating from the piece of land they gave her.
Kindly ask them to help her run it or get someone to do so when she is not available. Be bold and voice your feelings. I urge all my readers to remember that marriage is all about teamwork.
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Stranger than fiction
Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a married woman in my mid-thirties and a mother of two. My husband is my age-mate. We met in high school. I employed a maid who had no working experience out of desperation.
I told myself that I would be patient and give her the necessary training. The helper proved to be lazy, dull and painfully slow, so, I ended up doing half the work.
My husband was very upset and ordered me to sack her. He was right, taking into account her performance, but I just could not do it before getting a replacement. It was not easy to get a suitable helper.
My husband gave me a lot of pressure, which began to affect our relationship. He said he just could not take it anymore and would not even eat when she prepared meals. I complied and took some time off to look for a better replacement.
A week after this drama, I was tipped off by some friend that my husband’s car was frequenting a certain house. I took a taxi and spare keys with me. When I got there, I nearly fainted.
He was watching TV with the ex-maid he ordered me to fire. I drove off in his car and I am now staying at my parents’ house with my kids. He sent his brother to apologise and he wants us to get back together. I do not know what to do. I feel cheated and I am still angry. Please, help.
Response
I am very well and thanks for writing in. I am as equally shocked as you are. All this time he pretended to detest the maid yet they were linking up behind your back!
This is treacherous. Had you not found out, this could have continued. I think you did the right thing by seeking space and removing yourself from the situation. However, you need to decide what to do going forward.
You are still legally married and you need to consider issues such as the welfare of the children. I recommend that you look for a mediator or counsellor so you plot the way forward. You will heal over time. Whatever decision you eventually make, stay true to yourself and what you think is best for yourself and the kids. I wish you all the best.
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Landlord wants to
send us packing
Amai, thanks a lot for your column. We got married last year. I am 22 and my husband is 23. We do not have any children yet. We are tenants and stay in a medium-sized room, which serves as the kitchen, living room and bedroom. The number of visitors we always have is shocking.
They are from my husband’s side, so it is hard for me to complain. Most of them come and stay for several days.
Some overstay their welcome. The landlord has threatened to send us packing if we continue this trend. My husband says it is not easy to tell visitors that they are not welcome.
My brother-in-law is married and has a big house of his own. I wonder why these people do not go to stay with him? Amai, I am very annoyed. How do I do this without hurting my husband?
Response
Hello, and thanks for supporting the platform. I think this matter is straightforward. Call a spade a spade. Inform your hubby that you shall begin to politely inform friends and family the position you are in when they try to schedule future visits.
In terms of sanitation and living arrangements, it is less than ideal. Leave your brother-in-law out of this and do not divert traffic to his home as you may cause another issue.
He probably is very straightforward and frank about living arrangements at his place, which is why he does not receive as many guests. Simply put, it is you or them. If this continues, you will not have a place to reside. In this scenario, honesty, definitely, is the best policy.
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