adminDear Mummy Felstead,
I’m in my first year at university, and I’ve been feeling exceptionally guilty after a recent night involving a man with a girlfriend. I’ve known this man for quite some time, and I’ve also known that he’s been with girlfriend (with which I share several friends) for some years.Recently, however, we got talking (as she is away travelling), and he invited me over for drinks. I went along perhaps anticipating what might happen but promising myself that him and myself were just friends. However, after a few drinks one thing led to another and we slept together. The next morning we spoke about what had happened, and he asked me not to say anything, I agreed. Since this, guilt is getting the better of me, and I feel as though either him or myself should tell his girlfriend (as I feel if I were her I would like to know). I truly feel terrible for what happened but don’t know whether to deny any rumours and keep my mouth shut, or be honest and deal with the consequences. I can’t talk to anyone about this as we all share many of the same friends, and I feel as though they would judge me and act differently towards me. However, I don’t know if I can carry this guilt.
Please offer some advice, thank you.
Hi you,
First I have to say that I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s difficult for you and I understand why; your sort of damned if you don’t and damned if you do – this is the sort of rotten payback we get when we do something wrong.
So now take heart in the fact that you are not the first person to have done this – and it’s not a hanging offence!
We’ve all done things we’ve regretted, and in admitting it as being wrong – even to yourself – is the first stage in accepting the guilt and dealing with it.
So two things here:
Please forgive me but I have to ask this – but are you absolutely certain in your heart that the reason you wish to tell this girl is because of guilt, and the feeling that – in her position you would like to know?
Or is there a tiny little part of you that thinks that if she knows this it may break them up leaving him free for you?
I have to ask because if you really want to do the right thing you have to start by being honest with yourself.
So assuming that is not the case, then I think you should have a word with this chap and explain to him what you’ve told me, and that you can no longer deal with the situation and need to come clean ( which I incidentally think is the only honourable thing to do ). He will of course kick and scream and want to hide it – because that’s what men who have been unfaithful generally do.
Do the right thing; by admitting to this and accepting responsibility you will eventually not only be able to hold your head up publicly but also privately, and when it all comes out – which it always does — you will at least be able to find a degree of peace within yourself.
I’m sorry I can’t make this any easier.
Best wishes
Online Reporter