I want lobola refund

Mai Chisamba how are you? I am a big fan of your column and I guess now it’s my turn to get assistance. A few years ago I stayed near a woman who would come to my place just to hang out with me. I never proposed love to her, she would just impose herself on me until I finally gave in. We had our first child, a son, but I still felt nothing towards her. She would come to my place and ask for child support which I gladly gave her.

She kept doing the same thing and we ended up with another child. Our sons are aged 5 and 3. We never stayed together as husband and wife. At 35 I finally decided to look for the love of my life and I found her.

We are now traditionally married and are preparing to have a white wedding. I hadn’t told my wife about this other lady and the kids. This other woman went and told the pastor that I had two kids with her. My wife found out about this visit to the pastor and went into a rage and said she was no longer interested in me.

Her reasoning was that if I could withhold something that big from her, who knows what else I was keeping under wraps. My people tried to speak to her akaita seanzwisisa but after a month akati haachadi zvachose. I am heartbroken.

I really loved this woman but she won’t be persuaded.

How do I go about the process of asking for my lobola money back? I had paid a lot of money and I can’t lose both. Our wedding has been cancelled and I don’t know where to start from. Please help I need to recover my money and move on vakadzi havana kwavo avo.

Response
Dear big fan, thank you for reading my column. It’s funny when the pot calls the kettle black when they are all black. I wonder what kind of a relationship you had with the mother of your two kids. You did not love her but you had two kids with the same woman.

I always say it’s cruel to rush into things and have unplanned children. The environment they are in is not good for their upbringing. You knew you had no intention to ever settle with this woman but you do not sound remorseful. As for your wife why didn’t you tell her about the kids since they are a part of your life? How did you expect to get away with this? She is right to doubt you, perhaps your closet is still full of skeletons.

You are already asking if there is a process of getting back your lobola back, have you already given up on her? She is angry because you were not honest with her to begin with. No amount of money can ever be compared to your spouse. Don’t blame vakadzi, newewo hauna kwako.

You need to be serious and do a bit of growing up. My advice is if you have true feelings for your wife engage a professional counselor. If you are sincere stop talking about the lobola money until you exhaust all avenues. A rolling stone gathers no moss, relax and take it one step at a time. I would be happy to hear from you again. I wish you all the best.