Sundaymail Editor
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Must I come clean?
HELLO amai, how are you? I am a 28-year-old man and I have been a bad lover. I have been cheating on my longtime girlfriend. She is not aware of it. We plan to get married soon.
I do not know why I do it. I truly love her and I do all these things for the thrill of it. I am also cheating on her with a married woman.
My question now is: Must I come clean and clear my conscience? The consequences may very well prove to be disastrous. We have been together for three years and I would like to consider our relationship as serious.
Response
Hello writer and thanks for writing in. I am very disappointed, to say the least. The truth is you are not serious about your girlfriend. You are about to expose her to serious heartache. I am also worried that you may contract STIs because of these multi-partner relationships. You have to come clean and try to go for premarital counselling. Whether she chooses to trust you again will be up to her. Why did you throw it all away? It seems like you had something good here. The other concern I have is that if you rush to get married, will this kind of behaviour not repeat itself at a later stage?
Dating another man’s wife is an act of adultery and legal action may be taken against you.
Why would you go through all that if you do not even care about the affair? You are selfish. Being in a relationship is about putting the needs of the relationship first.
You have to try and be better as a human being. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot?
Try and imagine how you have turned this woman’s life upside down. The truth will set you free to some extent. Now is the time to come clean before she finds out for herself.
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I was betrayed
I am a heartbroken 26-year-old. I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past five years. We had plans of getting married then things took a turn for the worst. He snubbed the idea of marriage and pushed for an engagement instead. I got my tete and his tete involved because I wanted them to be witnesses.
Initially, he wanted to keep the engagement between us. I was puzzled as to why he was behaving this way.
I later found out that he was cheating on me with my best friend.
To make matters worse, he says he will let me know if it is possible to break up with her. I am wondering if I should even continue wearing his ring. I am so heartbroken and confused. What should I do?
Response
Let me dive right into your issue. Wow, I am shocked and very disappointed in your boyfriend. I wonder what exactly it is in young people that causes them to throw away something solid for cheap thrills.
This person has shown you his true colours. The fact that he chose to cheat on you with someone you consider a friend is very disrespectful. You are also being held to ransom. He is clearly indicating that he will come back to you when he wants to. Do not let him dangle marriage in front of you. Remove his ring and disassociate yourself with him and this so-called friend. Try and cut your losses and move on.
In future, be mindful of the type of people you date and those you bring around your significant other as they may not always have the right intentions.
Please go for counselling or confide in a trustworthy and mature person. You need the support of those around you to get over this.
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I am treated as a family outcast
Hello amai. I am a 19-year-old guy and I have two other siblings. I am not good when it comes to academics and my other siblings are quite sharp. As a result, my family makes fun of me. I have three nicknames and when loosely translated they mean useless or hopeless.
Even my extended family uses these names. I am so ashamed of this. My parents deliberately exclude me from household tasks because they think I will struggle to execute them.
My parents asked me to find something I am good at so we can zone in on that. What must I do?
Response
Hello dear writer. I am sorry that your family that is supposed to be a support structure has turned their back on you and made you the butt of all their jokes.
While you may not be as gifted as your siblings, you can always apply effort.
There are many web-based educational resources nowadays as well as remedial classes.
Apply yourself and you will watch yourself improve. As for looking for something non-academic to boost your skillset, go for it. It only serves to improve you overall.
Try and confide in an adult you trust to get them to speak to your parents.
Words have power, so they must not keep using these terms and treating you as an outcast because that will reinforce the idea that you cannot learn anything.
Be positive and try and change the narrative.
You can also tell your parents respectfully how all of this makes you feel and how it affects your confidence.
I hope afterwards you will see the change you deserve.
Believe in yourself and make it an everyday mission to prove them wrong.
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