Impact of phones, social media use on relationships

 

Dr Mazvita Machinga

 

CASES of couples reporting marital conflict caused by excessive and inappropriate usage of phones and social media are on the increase.

 

What is it all about, what is going on?

 

This has caused Gender-Based Violence in families.

 

Some have separated because of phones or social media related issues.

 

Research indicates that excessive and inappropriate phone and social media usage can have a negative impact on family/couple relationships, often leading to decreased quality of communication, increased jealousy, feelings of neglect, and potential conflict due to distractions.

 

While this can be a controversial issue, with people having different opinions, the fact of the matter is that being intentional about time together fosters stronger intimacy, emotional bonds and reduces stress in romantic relationships.

 

How many hours do you spend on your phone as compared to chatting with your spouse in person?

 

You will be surprised!!!!

 

Studies highlight that excessive or inappropriate phone use can lead to “phubbing” (phone snubbing), trust issues, decreased emotional connection, and even infidelity.

 

Phubbing is a term that was coined by researchers in 2016.

 

Phubbing means ignoring your partner in favour of a phone.

 

That is when someone ignores or dismisses a person they are with in favour of their phone.

 

This could be scrolling through social media, texting, or checking notifications instead of engaging in face-to-face conversation with your loved one who may be there in person.

 

A study in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour (2017) found that couples who excessively engage in social media at the expense of their quality time experience lower emotional intimacy and higher levels of dissatisfaction.

 

Research suggests that feeling “phubbed” can increase feelings of rejection, insecurity, and resentment.

 

Another study (Coyne et al, 2021) highlighted that frequent use of social media in romantic relationships can trigger jealousy, insecurity, and misunderstandings.

 

In addition, couples who use phones during quality time experience higher levels of stress and lower emotional responsiveness.

 

So, it is clear from research studies that excessive social media use in relationships can weaken emotional intimacy, increase marital dissatisfaction, and trigger insecurity, jealousy, and resentment.

 

To maintain a healthy relationship, below are a few hints on health phone and social media use in relationships — phone etiquette).

 

Set boundaries — Limit phone and social media use during quality time.

 

Prioritise face-to-face interaction — Engage in meaningful conversations without distractions.

Establish “Phone-free zones” — No phones at the dining table to encourage face-to-face conversations etc.

 

Minimise phone use in the bedroom to improve intimacy and sleep, while keeping it accessible for emergencies.

 

Place phones silently with emergency contacts allowed.

 

This shows you are taking your sleep and time to reset seriously.

 

Create a “digital curfew” — Set a time (eg 9pm or 10pm etc) where both partners put phones away and focus on each other.

 

Practice digital mindfulness — Be present and attentive when spending time together.

 

Privacy: Agree on whether sharing personal photos and messages online is appropriate.

 

 

Discuss what respecting privacy means for you.

 

Agree on the issue of checking a partner’s phone with or without permission if you are a married couple.

Communicate openly — Discuss concerns about social media use to prevent misunderstandings.

 

When your spouse is talking, put your phone down and engage each other or ask for them to wait while you make a call etc.

Use technology to strengthen, not weaken, your bond- Send loving messages or check-ins during the day.

Be on the watch of cyber infidelity: Emotional affairs through online chats can be just as damaging as physical affairs.

 

What else can you do to avoid phones from destroying your relationships?

Remember being intentional about time together as this fosters stronger emotional bonds and reduces stress in your relationships.

Dr Mazvita Machinga is a qualified psychotherapist and mental health consultant based in Mutare.

 

For psychotherapy and counseling services call 0771754519 WhatsApp 0778838410.