adminFredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa
WE all have problems. Problems are the sign of an active life. Problems are as old as the Bible. The Almighty had problems just after creating the world. In the Garden of Eden, these guys with Mr Snake ate the forbidden fruit and that was beginning of problems.
The Son of God himself had more problems. In fact, his entire Ministry was a history of problems until his crucifixion on the cross.
We have problems. Children will disappoint. Teenagers will do what they know best. They will go against your will and teaching and do as they please and at times you ask yourself “are these my children?”
They will play at very expensive schools and get bad grades.
We have financial problems – the money is just not enough. At times you think the problem is not natural and you go to the “consultants” (the prophets) who will tell you there are indeed “things” in your house which are taking your money.
The “things” are removed for a fee and the problem is worse after that. We have problems at work. The job is tough but not paying. We have lost jobs – our NGO contracts are ending and we thinking “where do I go from here?”
In business, things are not moving, business is very low. You are making sales and people are just not paying.
Husbands will do strange things. Husbands will neglect their duties as bread winners and as the wife you have to go out borrowing money which you are not even sure how you will repay.
Suddenly there is another woman threatening your marriage. Your husband has disappeared with the other woman. Some men batter their wives and they abuse even the children.
You were seeing your marriage around the corner but your partner of many years is suddenly behaving funny, you don’t understand them anymore.
As husband you have an extravagant wife who lives in a dream world and you are living above your means and the marriage is crippled with debts. You have children in private schools where you gate crashed and you are paying the fees through bank loans.
You have a wife who for some reason has lost all respect for you as a husband and they are doing as they please in the marriage because they are the educated, liberated woman.
The marriage is just on paper – in reality there is no marriage. You have in-laws who interfere with your marriage and they want you to run your marriage and your home as they are doing theirs.
We have illnesses. We are ill ourselves, some illnesses are terminal and we have to keep up with high medical bills. You are looking after a sick relative, who does not even appreciate this and think they deserve better.
They want to be treated like they are in a private hospital. The work place is a jungle. You have an evil boss-who is nothing but born of Satan himself. You have terrible workmates.
Come church – it’s another hell-fake priest and pastors, who are proposing you when you go to seek counselling – they have raped women left, right and centre. In short you are just trying to make ends meet but someone has stolen the other end.
Now when you have a problem talk to someone.
Never bottle up things in yourself. If you bottle up things in yourself you do get “full” and when you are “full” you need an outlet for all these things.
The common outlets to let these things out are things like suicide, violence, especially domestic violence, divorce and separations, leaving employment or transferring from your work station to another station – the list is endless.
When you have a problem identify someone mature you can confide in and go and tell them your problem. At times the person doesn’t even give you advice but just lending you their ear, you feel better afterwards.
Recently, I had a sensitive problem and went to talk to my friend, a lawyer. I was considering litigation but he was honest enough to say my chances of winning were very slim.
He, however, went on to tell me a lot about the “real world”.
He told me some of these problems come to teach us certain lessons and they come to strengthen us. When we come out of a serious problem we are not the same afterwards – we are more mature and wiser. I want to honestly say the talk I had with my lawyer friend healed me.
When you want someone to talk to, choose the person carefully. You don’t go to anyone. You chose wrongly the person you want to confide in, the following day your problem is all over the work place.
You thought you were telling a friend about your child who has learning difficulties and the very following morning it’s all over the workplace that you have a “dull” child. Your child comes visiting at the workplace and “your friend” calls her friends and points at your child through the windows “. . . look that’s the dull child” and they proceed to say the child took that dullness from you.
Limit the number of people you confide in. The more people you confide in the higher the chances of your issues being leaked. One or two people is enough, so that if one is not available go to the other.
At times there is need to seek professional counselling. In Bulawayo we have Contact Family Counselling Centre at Number 9 Barbour Avenue, Parkview – just on the other side of the road adjacent to “Grey Street” remand prison.
You can confide in an elder at church or your priest or pastor. Personally I have lost trust and confidence in many priests and pastors, I would just approach a church elder. Some of these young pastors are very immature. You confide in them, come Sunday they are preaching about you in English.
May I also say before you talk to the next person, have you talked to the offending person? Some of us have a tendency of keeping quiet when we are have been offended.
At times the other person is not even aware that they offended you. It’s therefore important to speak immediately when you are offended, it helps a great deal. You deal with issues as they come and where possible put them to rest.
If you keep quiet you are just postponing the problem and when it’s dealt with in retrospect it’s more difficult . . . the old adage says “strike the iron while it’s still hot . . .”
When in problems don’t brood over them, talk to someone.
Online Reporter