adminRuth Butaumocho Gender Forum
Extramarital affairs are as old as humankind, and remain as intriguing as ever for those observing them, especially when brought under media scrutiny.It therefore did not come as a surprise when the media a few weeks ago, broke the story of a Bindura woman, Gladys Farirai Mangwiro (may her soul rest in peace) who died after reportedly being intimate with High Court judge Justice Charles Hungwe, in what many have since termed “the fatal romp”.
As the furore over the issue made headlines in the media, little or no thoughts were given to the judge’s wife, who must have been equally shocked at the way events were unfolding, right before her.
It must have been more shocking for her, by the glares, whispers and snide she got when she accompanied her husband to the burial of Ms Mangwiro, who according to the information provided by the media, was Judge Hungwe’s girlfriend of many, many years.
Even up to this day, many still wonder, what prompted Mrs Hungwe to attend the funeral of her husband’s girlfriend, or was it?
Was she force-marched to the funeral, was she afraid of angering her husband, or did she want to save face and pretend that everything was normal in the home?
Mrs Hungwe’s decision to stand by her man during his most trying moment was applauded by thousands of men who said it was a sign of bravery and submission, as expected of a woman of valour, honour and integrity.
Like a true vanguard of moral values as an African woman, she realised that, her husband needed her more than any other time, and she had to be there, hence her decision to attend the funeral with him.
She chose not to fight in the public, but saved the battle for the bedroom, away from the madding crowd.
I can draw parallel to her case and that of the wife of Zimbabwean executive Godfrey Gomwe, who actually had to accompany her husband to court after he was allegedly caught being intimate with his secretary, some years back.
On the global scene, Bill Clinton’s love scandal involving Whitehouse intern Monica Lewinsky can best be described as one of the worst scandals to hit a politician during the 1990’s.
Instead of adding to her man’s woes, Hillary stood by Bill before the army of cameras, gritting her teeth and smiling through his sins, while he confessed to a string of salacious acts committed with other women including prostitutes.
When the Clintons appeared on a programme called 60 Minutes to discuss allegations that Bill had been having yet another affair with model and actress, Gennifer Flowers, Hilary said: “You know I am not sitting here – some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette. I am sitting here because I love him, and I respect him, and I honour what he has been through and what we have been through together.”
It was a strong statement, coming from an intelligent, highly educated woman of a good economic, political and social standing.
Mrs Hungwe, Mrs Gomwe and Mrs Clinton did not see it fit, to embarrass their philandering men in the public, but chose to defend and stand by them, despite being caught wandering outside the matrimonial bed.
There is no doubt that all these women invested an awful lot of their time in these unions, emotionally and economically and they made a decision that there were not going to throw all that away, just to make public stunts.
There is nothing wrong with standing by your man, even in the most bizarre of cases, to morally support him at a time when he is most vulnerable.
It is a sign of love, respect, humility, understanding and an affirmation of the “in sickness and in health” vows that you took before a huge congregation.
Standing by your man, should not often be misconstrued as a sign of weakness, or as being timid, like what many would want to believe, but it’s an affirmation of love. Standing by your man, does not mean that you approve of his philandering, but it simply means that you are willing to give him another chance to mend his ways.
Personally I don’t condone, philandering, and it is, it is a shared sentiment in our African culture that bed hopping is not the best solution to marital woes.
Sometimes, we just need to be there for our partners, no matter how painful or absurd it may seem.
Online Reporter