Sundaymail Editor
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a 32-year-old married man with one child. My wife is a professional and gainfully employed. Last week, we used her car because mine had broken down and was at the repair shop.
On Sunday, I took the car to buy bread but bumped into some friends.
We ended up going to a drinking spot outside the city and, unfortunately, spent more than half the day there.
I decided not to tell my wife where I had gone and lied about everything.
She asked me why I was not telling the truth. She knew exactly where I had gone. We are no longer on speaking terms and I suspect one of my friends spilled the beans. I am worried that one of my friends could be dating my wife. Amai, should I confront him?
Response
I am very well and thanks for reaching out. Your account sounds childish.
You are a father and spouse and you should be more accountable. Making a great escape when you had simply planned to go and purchase bread is unbecoming of a responsible partner.
That kind of behaviour is usually associated with teenagers.
Do not confront your friend; there is no smoking gun.
Your marriage seems to lack trust and respect. For your information, the car may have been secretly fitted with a gadget that tracks its every location at any given time. Your wife does not have psychic powers. The best thing at this juncture is to apologise to your wife, tell the truth and move on. Work on enjoying your marriage. Life is too short for petty squabbles.
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Single and searching
Dear Amai, I am 27 years old and single. I follow your column religiously and have learnt a thing or two from it.
I now want to look for a girl I can be serious with.
I do not drink or smoke. I attend a Pentecostal church and I am a very active youth member.
I have a special request, which I have been thinking about for quite some time now.
I am a very shy guy and I find it very hard to propose to a lady. Please, Amai, can you do it on my behalf? I will take any girl recommended by you seriously.
Response
Hello, writer. I was happy to hear that you are picking up invaluable lessons from the column.
Be that as it may, this platform is not ideal for looking for candidates to date.
Although I talk about relationships and marriages, the people seeking advice have their own unique situations that are not resolved by matchmaking. You are young and vibrant. You have what it takes to express yourself.
Be brave and approach the girl of your choice.
Great risks often produce great rewards. Do not overthink it; just take it one step at a time. I wish you all the best.
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My brothers-in-law think I’m their runner
I am a 29-year-old lady and a mother of two lovely boys. My husband is a gardener and I sell vegetables.
My husband is the opposite of his other three siblings, who are educated and have good jobs together with their spouses. My in-laws reside at their rural home and are very comfortable.
The reason I am writing to you is all these people think I am their runner. Whenever they want anything done at the rural home, they send me. I am always up and about doing their chores. My husband is the last-born and does not protect me from this.
He agrees with everything on my behalf and I do not like this at all.
A fortnight ago, I was down with flu, but the eldest brother-in-law forced my husband to make me take provisions home.
I told him I was not well, but he encouraged me to press on, suggesting that I would then be able to visit the functional clinic located there. I feel unwanted and inferior.
I travel using public transport with my two little kids, yet all my brothers-in-law have cars. I am tired of this.
What should I do?
Response
Dear writer, your letter broke my heart.
You are a business-minded person in your own right.
You should be afforded the same respect as everyone else. Selling vegetables is how you earn a living and you must not be interrupted whenever people feel like it. I blame your husband for what is happening.
If your brothers-in-law consulted you first out of respect, that would be better.
It is wrong for anyone to impose their will on you.
I suggest you have a candid talk with your husband and pour out your feelings. I think the situation will improve.
They should also liaise with one another and plan accordingly so that you are not always running their errands. You may even suggest the drafting of a roster. If you speak up, you will be heard.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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