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ITa��S very hard to admit that your partner is cheating on you and thus you find many women comforting themselves with lies and convincing themselves that their partners will never ever have an affair with someone else.
As heartless as it may sound, I always question the few that I have met saying, a�?Why are you saying he cannot propose to someone else if he managed to win you. The only woman who can utter such words will be sure that she has used juju on her partner otherwise never be so sure when it comes to such issues.a�?
Dona��t get me wrong am not trying to create insecurity hype.
Anyway, realising how some women lose their mind after discovering their husbanda��s extra marital affairs, I think it is one topic we should be able to discuss openly as it can happen to anyone and all of us should expect it.
As a woman, what should you do when you discover that your man has decided to be involved with someone else or when you are sharing him with someone else?
The first thing most women do is to try and find reasons why the man has gone on to have an affair with someone else. Sorry, never waste your time because even the person doing it can fail to explain. Do not even blame yourself as it might lead you to letting him off the hook.
Do not even think of confronting the mistress! This is the mistake many women do. Soon after discovering about the affair, they become eager to meet the rival and some rush to make instant justice embarrassing themselves in the process. Remember that woman was proposed to as well and you just have to discipline your man.
Remember the mistress is not at par with you and never will be. Going head-on with her will demote you from your position. You are higher than her and attacking her will rid her of guilt and release her to hurt you in word or physically.
Actual physical or verbal confrontation comes as an endorsement that you acknowledge her as competition, which is not the case.
Remember, she is a mosquito, drinking off your man and has nothing to lose in this whole issue!
Try to cool down before confronting your man about the issue. Usually when you do things at the apex of your emotions you end up doing wrong things and sometimes remain the guilty person. Many thoughts will obviously rush through your mind but press a�?pausea�? button. Put your emotions under control. When you finally feel that you are emotionally stable, look out for the perfect time to confront him and obviously not in the bedroom when you are about to be intimate.
As much as you will want him to confess, at times even with all the evidence, few men will admit to cheating. They will come up with silly stories, but for the first time ignore because he already knows that he has been caught and should repent.
Men are like children, do not shout at him a lot, but take the opportunity to express your love and tell him that how cheating on you raises the opportunities and risks of ending your marriage. In the process make it clear that he really hurt you. You should open up your heart to him and by handling the issue this way, believe me ita��s more powerful than fighting him. When you fight him, you will not be solving the problem, but pushing him to another womana��s arms.
During such a time, you probably will be feeling hurt and incredibly angry, and may have the urge to tell all of your family members, your closest friends, or even to post about it on social media to really get your feelings out.
However, if there is a chance you want to reconcile and make things work, then you will have to deal with people looking at your spouse and your relationship differently for the rest of your lives. Instead of telling everyone you know, tell only the people close to you who you think can really help you think this through.
It is true that once you tell someone, you feel a relief, but that could be followed by some pain and regret. During such times ita��s when you realise that people whom you thought were close to you are your enemies as they will start celebrating and giving you bad advice.
After discussing the issue with your partner, you may forgive each other, but already judgments from outside may have impacted on your relationship and even when you have put the issue behind you, remember people always talk especially about bad things, they never forget.
Most women soon after finding out about such issues think of divorce. No, all you need is time to reflect about what happened and whata��s best for you and your relationship instead of doing something you may regret later.
Though it may feel good to be cruel to your spouse, to take away the things that he loves, or even to have your own affair in return, this kind of behaviour wona��t get you very far and it wona��t help you move your relationship forward.
Though you can be hurt, do not punish him as it will strain the relationship even more.
Communicating and being open to each other is the best way to go as you try to put the issue behind you!
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Bongani Ndlovu