Chronicle EditorLenox Lizwi Mhlanga
I struggle to find the words to describe what is to become of this year’s Christmas. Back then, this was the time to go crazy, open presents and generally party until the break of dawn. It was the time to travel emakhaya (emadloli) to flash around that hard-earned money and bring cheer to the backwoods of rural Zimbabwe. It was an experience that earned bragging rights until the following year.
As I write this piece, I face one of my greatest challenges ever. Either to throw sunshine, tell it as it is, or just write. The last thing I would want to do is to endanger the editor’s job. The fact that all is in God’s hands is the only comfort. Perhaps I will witness to you all when all this is over and someone wakes me up saying it was all a dream.
In the meantime, we get the therapy that we are now all used to; to laugh with and at ourselves. But in spite of everything, there are things that will never change.
The churches will be filled to the brim with believers and non-believers alike hoping to receive the special blessings that the day holds. The bars will be packed to the rafters with people either drinking down their sorrows or injiva doing what they know best, that is, show off.
Siwela will, as always, lug his 3 speed cycle onto Suka Sihambe bus for the long journey to see family and relatives eKezi. He would have saved enough groceries through the club at work to take home goodies such as rice, cooking oil, bathing and washing soap, sugar. That is not to forget a ‘straight’ of Two Keys for abadala and amasese for iziporori. Omama will not mind any replacement of the now as rare as hen’s teeth Mazoe or any such like imitation.
In the city, Sibanda will save the best for the last, opting to wait to be invited by better endowed relatives or friends who would have found instant wealth through some small scale mining venture.
Finding enough isinkwa (bread) to feed the masses will be a mean feat. Make do with flour based fat cooks or amaqebelengwane.
The rand would still have a semblance of value come Christmas Day, but not so after New Year. Sibanda will wait to savour the sweat of his labour by having Mrs Sibanda cook rice and chicken with salad, with plenty to drink. And the good old Tempest stereo or Made in China PA system blaring out the latest Gqom or House offerings from down south, with the speaker placed outside for all to hear.
The young ones will be out in full force because this is indeed their day. They will be resplendent in the usual and unusual paraphernalia. While their parents ponder about next year’s school fees and uniform, all forms of blackmail and subterfuge will be used to exact all manner of trinkets and dollies. Christmas is not Christmas without presents isn’t it? The banks might be broken, but there are things that are not for negotiation.
As I write this, we are preparing for our annual binge here at work. It means two things, there is lots of money to throw around that the bosses don’t care to admit (come January) and, we still have enough energy to pretend that things are just the way they were last year and the year before that. As a parting shot, our administration released this festive season memo: “Sorry for the delay. Our lawyers just approved the following Holiday Greeting:
To: All Employees
From: The Administration
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the Christmas holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2019, but not without due respect for the many cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Zimbabwe great, (not to imply that Zimbabwe is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only country in sub-Saharan Africa or the world for that matter), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or soccer club of the said wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Be that as it may, we wish you all a merry Christmas, and a thoroughly different and optimistically wonderful 2019 to you all. Kindly leave all company property (including company cars, laptops, staplers and bond paper, to security.
By the way, we expect you to be punctual, sober and without the usual excuses at your work station, on the 2nd of January. Failing which we assume you are not coming back and will be dutifully replaced. (Check the queues of job seekers outside the gate for reference.)”
derick.khumalo