It’s tit for tat

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

I HAVE a serious problem with men or women who always demand gifts back when a relationship fails. In this day and age, I find it awkward that there are women who still believe that a man should be the provider in a relationship while her duty is just to “love”. Hey, wake up from the slumber because you will be used, dumped and embarrassed.

Some women always feel used and left heartbroken because they make themselves appear desperate and in this century, no man will want to marry a MM “marry and maintain”. MM are those kind of women who are not doing anything for a living and all they know do is demand everything including money for pads which I find “unacceptable” in my world.

If you rely on your partner for everything, you become a loser and end up not having a voice in the relationship. When you are told to jump, all you can say is, “how high,” because you fear sanctions. If you check abused women, they choose to suffer in silence because they have nothing to bring to the table. In relationships its tit for tat if you need to be respected and prophetically avoid unnecessary heartbreaks.

In this day and age it’s sad to note that there are men and women who rush to count their losses after a sour relationship. If you are fully funded in a relationship, then you are a complete loser. Let your relationship stand on a ground of mutual and even financial mutual understanding!

Since time immemorial, men have been in control of relationships because of being providers. If you look back, some of our mothers and grandmothers were treated as “dogs” where men did as they pleased, getting away with it because of vulnerability. It is high time both parties in a relationship bring something to the table, remember even a cent makes a difference.

Some men, because they are providers, end up acting as if they are the ones who purchase the air you breathe for you to live longer. If you are a vulnerable woman, you will suffer from one heartbreak to another. To make sense of what I am saying, you know there are women who have children who make a team of players and you find that they were impregnated by different men. If you check, you will find that they opened their legs wide forgetting the consequences because all they needed was money. Thereafter they were dumped, left with a child and a heartbreak!

A man will respect you if you make it a tit for tat thing whereby you at times spend on him and not that kind of woman who just waits to receive everything namely money, gifts and obviously his seeds! Finance him, be vocal and be a financial advocate, after all it makes you different, he is not buying sex from you but respects your opinion. This way some heartbreaks can be avoided.

FEEDBACK

I was quite impressed by your article ‘‘Mixed signals my foot’’. I totally agree with you when you pointed out that the so called mixed signals mean disaster and surely it really does mean disaster and signs of worst painful things to come. I have noticed that people have this habit of being clingy to a partner, especially when the other partner starts to show signs of disinterest. Usually if you are observant enough you can sense disaster in very simple ways and miles away.

The chats slow down, the morning and goodnight wishes suddenly get fewer or are said half-heartedly with little warmth and sometimes curtly and cold. Amazingly despite sensing these signs a lot of people will actually be drawn more to such a partner who is silently trying to get out of the relationship and in most times would have found another potential lover or in the process of entering into a new relationship. We all know how exciting the first days of a relationship are, the heart pounding, the butterflies in the stomach etc. There is no way you can still stick around such a person who is obviously excited by someone else, hence the so called mixed signals you definitely see and feel. As hard as it may be, it is better to back off from that person before a bombshell tears your heart apart.

The other issue is the difference in the way men and women behave and act when they are no longer that much interested in their partners and would have probably found another alternative. I think you will probably agree with me that men are not usually abrasive and direct in the way they try to remove themselves from a relationship into a new one. Men will always try to be “soft and caring” about it, not wanting to really hurt a woman directly either via weird lurid dirty phone messages or point blank discovery in the act. Men always feel that even if they want to move to another woman, there is no need to directly hurt or say hurtful words. Men are a bit clever as they know that using amazwi and actions of ubumbulu when moving on is both painful and cruel and will probably make it difficult for him to one day make a comeback to his ex. — Munya C.

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