Sundaymail Editor
THIS week’s crown of mamparas of the week goes to three dimwits — Philimon Sithole (25), Norman Timu (29) and Stephen Ndaradzi (24) — who tried to pull off a Hollywood-style heist in the sleepy town of Karoi.
On November 10 last year, at the unholy hour of 1am, the trio of masked morons stormed into a shop at Kingsgrove Business Centre.
The shop owner was fast asleep.
Armed with an iron bar, false bravado and a loaded gun for dramatic effect, the three imbeciles in balaclavas demanded cash from the half-asleep shop owner.
The goon who was armed with an iron bar wasted no time and tried to bludgeon the victim into submission.
Just to raise the level of drama, the other goon fired his gun inside the shop.
The shop owner, understandably terrified, handed over US$800 and keys to his Nissan NV200.
But the hoodlums were not done yet.
They turned the robbery into a late-night shopping spree — loading the vehicle with everything they could carry: sugar, flour, cooking oil, peanut butter, macaroni and sweets.
Yes, sweets!
They also robbed the shop owner of his phone. After the robbery, they melted into the night, leaving behind a spent cartridge, which would later help police detectives trace the crime to them.
But like all true mamparas, they made no effort to disappear.
Four days later, two of them were found drinking at a local bottle store.
After their arrest, they sang like canaries and implicated Sithole.
Police found the stolen phone on Sithole in Chinhoyi central business district.
More loot, from groceries to washing powder, was recovered at their homes — because where else do you stash evidence but your own house? And the getaway car?
They dumped it in Marondera like a bad idea they hoped to forget.
The Karoi Magistrates’ Court quickly dispensed with the case.
Now, these three dumb criminals are checking into their new 12-year accommodation — fully paid for by the State, complete with iron bars, but no macaroni or sweets.
Online Reporter