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Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
Last week’s article triggered beautiful, overwhelming responses from mature singles, eager to move forward in their love lives. Kudos to all who had the courage to reach out. Thank you for sharing your stories and seeking guidance. I’m all the more inspired to do this work, I can tell you that!
My reading and researching on topics that can help anyone navigate the journey of love and life, led me to a really good read this week, which shed more light on the very topic we touched on last week. In her ground-breaking book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success,” Dr Carol Dweck highlights the significance of mindset in personal growth and development. In the context of relationships, she shows how a growth mindset is essential for learning from past experiences and rebuilding a fulfilling love life.
A closed mindset views challenges and failures as threats to ego and self-worth, taking things very personal and seeing them as fixed obstacles. In contrast, a growth mindset embraces these experiences as opportunities for growth and learning not permanent hindrances. When applying this principle to relationships, a growth mindset allows you to:
Recognise and release limiting beliefs and patterns
Embrace vulnerability and take calculated risks
Develop emotional intelligence and empathy
Practice self-reflection and constructive feedback
Cultivate resilience and perseverance
By adopting a growth mindset, you can break free from the constraints of past heartaches and approach love with renewed hope and wisdom. I like to think of love as a beautiful learning journey with twists and turns to be experienced, not a destination.
As you find your way in the world of mature relationships, keep the following takeaways in mind:
Embrace your story, but don’t let it define you – you are not those past experiences, so yes you acknowledge them but you don’t dwell there, there’s so much God has in store for each of those who will seek and do things His way
Focus on personal growth and self-improvement in various areas of your life, not the pain. See where you might have lacked or where you could do better given another chance.
Cultivate meaningful connections and community, it comes in handy in certain times of celebration or trials, you’ll need your circle of friends.
Practice self-compassion and forgiveness. This takes courage and strong will, but who is better to kick start this process but your self? Be kind to yourself. Sometimes there’s a tendency to neglect oneself while being there for everyone else. In life people will rarely stop pulling from all directions for your attention, your help, your time and while it’s noble and wonderful to do what you can, it’s equally important to be there for YOU. What do you need? Are you taking the necessary steps to achieve that, in the midst of all else that you are busy with? When is it your turn to get attention from “you”?
Believe that your capacity for love and connection can be developed: For some it happens quickly, for others it’s over time. Whatever your pace, just don’t pressure yourself into a frenzy with comparisons dzaana nhingi and what they’ve done. “Do you”, as they say, but just don’t be stuck in a rut and miserable, regardless of what others may think of you, or label you with their words.
I’ve heard unkind remarks by ageists, who rule out others in the mature relationship journey, based on age eg you are “too old or gone past your expiry date”. Then there are those that dismiss others based on physical appearance and their own preferences: they might remark that you are “too thin”, too thick”, some feature on you doesn’t suit you, or based on personality eg “too loud”, “too soft” — but that’s people for you!
They are entitled to their opinion but don’t join them in putting yourself down based on their definition of what you should be. You’ve got to know who you are and what you want out of life and relationships. Then work on it and stay focussed. You deserve health and happiness, whatever that looks like to you. There are so many resources today, that can also uplift and propel us, and I can share some of them, which I have also received or that I’ve come across in my research.
Here are some questions for introspection as you ponder your next move:
How have you applied a growth mindset in your relationships? I find that honesty with oneself wins over trying to sugar coat the reality of the part we might have played in the experiences and memories we now have.
Have you approached love and life with a closed mindset that sees all challenges as set in stone, with no way around them, branding everyone with the same brush? Are you open to learning?
Do you seek ways to improve, change and do better for yourself and even for others?
Can you identify any areas where you could change? I believe there’s always room for improvement, but that’s me. You might have a different view.
What challenges have you overcome, and what lessons have you learned?
What was your turning point to a happier, more pleasurable self or what does that experience look like in your mind?
Remember, love and happiness are possible at any stage in life. I’m committed to supporting you on this journey. Let’s embrace a growth mindset together and discover the beauty of meaningful connections.
There’s an upcoming social event for mature singles in Harare this month of July, whose details I can gladly share with those interested in knowing more or attending.
Whether you want to share in the Whatsapp group for the column, or direct to inbox, your thoughts and views are welcome. And if feeling all alone in an unhealthy way, just know that you are not alone in that experience. Whether it’s grief from loss of a loved one, or pain of heartbreak, or sheer loneliness — someone else has been or is going through it. And there are professionals who can also walk with you through it.
With willingness, and the right guidance you can and will come out. I bank on having faith in God as a starting point in all my endeavours. Perhaps your experience or faith is different. Don’t hesitate to reach out nonetheless, a shared experience can bring a new perspective.
Keep in touch on the following platforms, whether for the event details or just sharing your views:
Whatsapp: +263719102572. Email: [email protected] We grow together in this journey of love.
Peter Tanyanyiwa
Online Reporter