adminTHE things we see on social media. Now pastors stand on women during sermons, I mean literally stomp on them with their pointed shoes, and all this is normal and the hallelujahs resound for the man of God from the congregation, while the tithes bowl fills up.
But what kind of preaching is this, and from which Bible did it come? I am interested in reading this one as it seems to be extraordinary.
I mean, it seems that nowadays if I were to open my own church today at Emakhandeni Hall and call it the Kicking Pastor Assemblies Of God, I would definitely be able to get a congregation, judging by the way those pastors get away with their acts.
There is this other video too of another pastor or is it a prophet or priest or whatever, who grinds the stomach of a pregnant woman with his fancy shiny shoe while praying for her, and she seems happy about it too and is even praying and crying, showing that she is feeling something divine that is going to bring positive things to her life.
For those who are not on social media, yes it is happening somewhere out there in some country on our beloved continent, and if you are patient enough, I will show you how it’s done when I become the Kicking Pastor. Iqhagwe ngiyakutshela.
There is another one too which quickly went viral sometime ago, of a congregation being made to eat grass. Kambe shuwa. Are we now competing with livestock for grazing?
One other video that beat these others was of this other man of God who convinced his congregation to eat Brazilian hair off the head of these other poor women in their church.
And yes, it is always mostly women who are at the receiving end of all these preaching gymnastics. And one gets to wonder, are these things scams, and the participants just actors or actresses to try to dupe the larger watching congregation into pouring in the tithes?
Of course we will never know without doing some inside investigative work. And do you know what these men of God would do if they caught you snooping on their activities? They would beat the hell out of you, literally. Oh yes they can beat, just try it and see — the Budiriro police can tell us better about this.
Hell hath no fury like a pastor scorned
Mmmh, we have our traditional religion too. Ezamadlozi phela. Well, we have seen at traditional dances people getting possessed and rolling on the floor and things like that, but we have never seen those conducting these ceremonies climbing on people or making them eat grass or such kind of things.
I am not talking about a tsikamutanda here, but the original thing.
And this makes me think, that if my wife were to say she is going to a traditional dance to exorcise something bothering her instead of these razz matazzy new churches, I would smile, as I would be confident no one will be wiping their shoes on her or galloping over her while I am at the bottle store with other guys.
Imagine your wife or daughter comes back home and she starts vomiting grass. Hawu bantu! You pay tithes and are made to eat grass.
You know, I don’t go to church, but that is not to say that I don’t believe there is God. I believe there is a maker, a powerful force that we can’t comprehend that created all this that is around us, including you and me, but I don’t need somebody to tell me what that force is, and to interpret for me its recognition.
But that is not going to stop me from interpreting that to you when I finally open my Kicking Pastor Assemblies. Some of these things you must join them before it’s too late, otherwise you are left behind when they go out of fashion, just like what happened during the time of the pyramid money schemes. Those who came late got nothing.
But on a serious note, I think we must make an effort to educate our families on ethical preaching. That when they go to church they must not agree to anything like the pastors shiny pointed shoes coming anywhere near their bodies, that they must not be made to act like livestock, and that even if you place Brazillian hair in between buttered bread it will never become a sandwich.
Hallelujah.
Online Reporter