adminKok Tales with Robert Mshengu Kavanagh
(This is the fifth of six fictional episodes describing Adam Kok’s experiences in Egypt. They do not necessarily depict exactly what goes on in Egypt. Adam Kok had been sent to Cairo by his newspaper to report on the Warriors versus Egypt game and also to bring back some human interest stories. In the process, being the ladies’ man he is, he meets an Egyptian beauty. Unwittingly, he is trapped into marriage. He manages to get away in the middle of the wedding ceremony and is being pursued to the airport by outraged members of the woman’s family.)
ADAM threw a wad of dollars onto the desk and took to his heels. The kitchens! That’s where he would find a back door exit into the street, he reckoned. The kitchen staff got the fright of their lives as one of their guests, whom the waiters knew to be Mr Kok from Zimbabwe, fled among the pots and pans, suitcase in hand, and did a rapid exit through the delivery entrance. When some time later two carloads of murderous young men did the same, it became a day to remember and pass down to one’s children.
Again it was not difficult to get a taxi to the airport but if a lift is maddeningly slow when someone’s in a hurry, Cairo traffic is far worse. He promised the cabby all the money he had if he got him to the airport in absolutely the shortest time possible. The cabby took one look at the money and began to thread his way through the almost static mass of stationary vehicles like a magician.
However, there are more magicians in Cairo than one. Adam, as you can imagine, found it hard to stop looking through the rear window – and it wasn’t long before, looking back nervously over his shoulder, he saw the dreaded cars, hooting for all their worth.
The cabby quickly sized up the situation. The American – of course to him anyone who would offer a fistful of US dollars to get to the airport must be an American – was obviously in trouble and he knew that if they ever caught his passenger, not only would he lose the fistful of US dollars which would keep him and his family for a number of months but whatever they were going to do the American they were likely to do to him too. So suddenly he yanked the steering wheel to the right and disappeared into an alleyway that took them under a bridge, across what appeared to be a demolished high-rise building, over a big patch of desert sand and bushes where some very dirty sheep grazed, into a busy four lane highway driving in the wrong direction, over the little cement wall between the cars going towards the 4th October bridge and those going towards the Ring Road.
Finally, the taxi scaled a ramp onto the Ring Road itself. It was a feet of immense ingenuity and typical Egyptian resourcefulness. Only a ride on a flying carpet could have done better.
During the cabby’s escapade he had hardly breathed. Now he let out a deep sigh, a sigh of intense relief, as he settled down in the back seat to relax at last. The Ring Road is generally a lot less congested than the other highways and soon they were at Cairo Airport.
With heartfelt gratitude Adam handed over the US dollars to the cabby, wished to embrace and even kiss him but didn’t – no time – and fled smartly into Departures, where he gladly fed his bag, jacket, belt, shoes, coins, glasses, phone and laptop to the baggage check machine. From there the next step was check-in, after that immigration and then the comparative safety of the departure lounge. However, Adam would never quite relax until he was in the plane and the plane winging its way safely over the Red Sea to Rudo, Nesta and his little house in Harare.
But was Adam going to be so lucky? Would he get away scot-free yet again? Surely he had it coming to him this time.
There was a family in front of him at check-in. It was a large family with many suitcases and it was taking up a lot of time. Suddenly there was an uproar coming from the direction of the departures entrance. His pursuers had arrived and were loudly demanding to be allowed in, despite the fact they did not have tickets or passports. The row reached a climax and next minute he saw the young men with slicked-back black hair bursting – with no doubt their flick-knives and, Adam dreaded, even guns – into the departure hall. They made a beeline for the baggage check.
Then they saw him! There was a howl of fury and much pointing, gesticulating and yelling as the young men explained to the officials at the baggage check what had happened, identified Adam and demanded to be allowed to enter. To Adam’s horror, the next minute they had overpowered the terrified baggage check officials and burst through into the check-in area.
But, luckily for Adam, by now the noise and drama of the scene had attracted airport security. Airport security was not going to be as easily cowed into submission as the officials at baggage check because they were armed.
There then ensued a fracas of immense intensity as Egyptians did what they are well known for – have passionate and very loud arguments with each other in public places. The men tried to get the security officials to understand the situation and take their side. The treacherous and dishonourable foreigner must be brought back either to honour his obligations and marry his bride or face the consequences.
They wished the officers to seize Adam and have him forcibly ejected. As much as the officials might have wanted to oblige their countrymen, they could not accede to the demand. Adam had broken no law and, even if he had, only the police with a warrant of arrest would have had the power to seize a foreign visitor to Egypt while he was in the process of boarding a plane to return to his home country.
Adam had by now completed check-in and, as fast as you can imagine, joined a queue at immigration. Every second he waited in that queue his stomach did somersaults. He dreaded that at any moment the security officials would be persuaded that he was indeed a criminal and an enemy of the Egyptian people – was he not?
He dreaded that at any moment the airport security and the wedding guests would gang up, descend upon him and drag him off kicking and screaming either to complete the wedding ceremony or to have his throat slit and be thrown to the dogs and rats in a demolition site in one of the sleazier precincts of Cairo.
That did not happen and in a few more moments he was through immigration and rushing to the gate. Fortunately for him, the Egypt Air flight to OR Tambo was boarding. Soon he was sitting in his seat, buckling his seatbelt. However, Adam’s fear had by now completely run away with his reason. Even in the plane with his seatbelt fastened he imagined his name being called out and Egyptians storming the plane to take him prisoner.
Obviously, this was the fantasy of a terrified journalist. Nothing like that took place and finally the plane began to move and taxi towards the runway for take-off. Still, Adam trembled, dreading a last minute hitch and a last minute capture. Only when at last the plane thundered down the runway, lifted its gigantic bulk off the surface of Mother Earth and soared into the same velvet indigo sky at which he and Nourhan had gazed together a couple of days ago, did he feel, shaken and weak, that he was safe.
“Now for a very stiff whiskey,” Adam said to himself, once again forgetting all he knew about Islam. “I haven’t needed a whiskey this much in my whole life. Steward!” he said aloud. “Please bring me a double Scotch as fast as possible.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the male cabin attendant – in Egypt Air almost all the attendants are male – “I regret to inform you that Egypt Air does not serve alcohol on its flights. Would you like an orange juice instead?”
Orange juice! No wonder Adam was a wreck when Rudo and I picked him up on arrival at Harare Airport.
To access previous Kok Tales, go to https://rmshengukavanagh.wordpress.com
Tinaye Agere
Online Reporter