Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa , Relationships
TO persevere is to keep going, not give up, to be tenacious, to stay the course, to stand firm, to stay the course, to press ahead and to go the distance. In today’s lingo, to persevere is to stick it out. To persevere is to continue in a course of action even in the face of challenges and difficulties where there appears to be little indication of success. From this definition alone, to persevere appears to be a very difficult thing to do. How does one continue to stay on course when there is no sign of victory? How does one build the capacity needed to persevere? The response to both these questions is love.
How is love the answer you may ask? It is the characteristics of love that make love the answer. Remember love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others neither is it self-seeking, it does not keep record of wrongs, it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth, love always trusts, protects and hopes. It is as a result of these characteristics that love perseveres.
If love lacked patience, there is no way, one would be able to persevere in love. In order to persevere, you need to be a very patient individual, and that level of patience required to persevere can only be developed if you have love towards that which you are persevering for. For example, if are passionate about your job or business, you will persevere even when it seems as if all odds are against you. You will stick it out in the hope that things will change at some stage. That is the same principle when it comes to persevering in relationships. Patience in relationships helps you to build the capacity to stand firm in your relationship in the midst of trials.
Your ability to persevere is what will help you stay the course in your marriage during trying times when it appears as if your troubles have no solution. It is the tenacity you have that will help see you through the challenges.
I once read a story titled 3ft from gold. This story was about a guy who bought a mine and began mining. He put the resources he had into the mine and yet he was not getting anything out of the mine. He worked on the mine with no results until he got to a point where he could not take it anymore and he gave up. Someone did a little research on the mine and bought the mine from the guy who gave up. The new owner of the mine mined 3 more feet from where the previous owner had stopped and he struck gold. The moral of the story is that at times you can be so close to that desired result you want to see yet it may not even appear that way. All you need to do is to stick it out and take those few extra steps that are needed for you to get the outcome you so desire.
How is the above example relevant to our topic of discussion for today? When there is no perseverance, people tend to give up moments before reaching a mutually beneficial solution, at times people tend to give up before striking gold. Perseverance derived from patience is what will help you weather it out in the face of difficulties and challenges.
Another characteristic of love closely associated with perseverance is hope. If you do not have hope that the challenges and difficulties will pass, then you will not be able to persevere. However, when you have hope that the troubles you are experiencing in your relationship are for a little while, then you will be able to persevere, you will be able to hang in there and stick it out as you work out your differences in your relationship.
In the example of the 3ft from gold story, if the previous owner of the mine had just had a little more hope, he would have struck gold, but his lack of gold lost him an entire gold-rich mine. Additional to hope, had the previous owner done a little more research on the mine, he would have struck gold, but he didn’t. Similarly there are many people who at times just sit and hope without taking necessary actions needed to work towards the desired outcome. So whilst being patient, hoping and persevering, there is the need for you and the one you are in a relationship with to probe your issue at hand and explore how it can be solved.
The fact that love is not self-seeking and keeps no record of wrong also contributes to building your capacity of persevering in love. When you are not self-seeking, you are not focused on having things done your way only, you are concerned about the happiness of the one you are in a relationship with. This will help you persevere in the midst of difficulties in your relationship as you will not be focused on you but on the one you are in a relationship with. Your concern for the one you are in a relationship with will help you build empathy towards them and this will help you to persevere as well as to find a solution to your difficulties sooner rather than later.
Keeping no record of wrong in love helps you preserve in your relationship so in order for you to be able to persevere in your relationship, you need to be the kind of person who does not hold on to past hurts or injustices. When you keep records of wrong, you will see the person you are in a relationship with in the negative light such that even when they do good, the good they do is drowned by the image you have of then which is founded on the records of wrong you are holding on to. When you keep records of wrong for the one you are in a relationship with, you will not be able to persevere in the face of difficulties because the wrong records you are keeping will cloud your judgment about the person. Keeping records of wrongs basically removes the element of hope, so whatever hope you could have had towards you and the person working through your issues is completely eliminated. Therefore if you want to be able to persevere in the face of difficulties in your relationship, you have to let go of the wrong records you are keeping on the one you love.
These principles are not reserved for romantic relationships only, but they apply to all types of relationships, whether it be parent-child, child-parent, friendships as well as professional relationships.
When you have that relationship you care about, do not let it get destroyed by failing to persevere when it is the time for you to persevere. Build the capacity you need to persevere by equipping yourself with the different characteristics of love listed above. It is these characteristics of love that will help you persevere in the face of difficulties in your relationship where there does not appear to be a solution in sight.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
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