Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa
Relationships
DUE to the fact that love is a characteristic of strong affection and dedication towards another, it has no room for envy. Envy can be defined as the desire to have something belonging to someone else. When someone is envious they are pained by the advantages someone seems to enjoy and they desire to have the same advantages. Envy is a deep form of jealousy.
Envy is the root cause of gossip, malicious talk, unhealthy competition as well as destructive, poisonous and hurtful behaviour. When you sit to talk with someone and the only thing that flows out of their mouth is gossip that is a red flag alerting you of an envious person. Gossip is usually to spread some “not so good” information about an individual with the intent for that person to be seen in a negative light.
The intention of gossip is to cause destruction to the reputation of the person being gossiped about. If you look deeper into the reasons why a gossip (the person who gossips) would go about gossiping about this person and that person, it is because the people he or she is gossiping about carry certain qualities, characteristics or successes that the person gossiping desires to have but does not have.
Instead of the gossiping person working to develop these qualities they lack, they engage in unwholesome talk which is gossip. Gossip to the one who gossips is like a remedy that pacifies the reality of the quality, virtue, characteristic or success he or she lacks which is found in the person they are gossiping about.
When someone carries attributes you like, instead of gossiping about them, learn from them. In learning from them, you watch yourself develop the missing characteristics you so desire, you watch yourself evolve to be the person you desire to be.
Allowing yourself to be inspired by others as well as learning from others is a cure to envy; it gets rid of envy faster than the blink of an eye.
Gossip is found in the family set-up, among friends, in the workplace or within social circles. It is done out of envy and spite. It is done in a bid to destroy the reputation of the one being gossiped about for the benefit of the one gossiping.
If you find you have someone you call a friend, colleague, relative or lover and this person occasionally engages in gossip about you, that person’s love for you is questionable. Their actions are that of an envious person instead of a person who demonstrates love.
A friend may tell other people information you shared with her or him in confidence and his or her defence in doing that would be he or she was sharing with others to find ways to help you.
That is unacceptable; it is a red flag of an envious person who would have finally found some information to spread about you for your disadvantage and for his or her gain.
In the scenario given above, if a friend does not know how to help you, he or she can suggest to you people who can help instead of going about spreading information you shared with him or her in confidence. This shows love, and it is an indicator of a well-intentioned and well-meaning person.
Another kind of relation that poses as an envious red flag is the one who is constantly comparing themselves to you or their children to yours.
Everything about this person is a competition. Is there a need to compare their lifestyle to yours? No, there is no need. Is there a need to compare their children to yours?
No, there is no need. Yet this person makes comparison a habit, better-yet, this person has basically turned the term comparison to be their middle name. A person who does this is demonstrating that they are not entirely happy with their life or with the successes and achievements of others.
An envious person engages in unhealthy competition and goes out of their way to copy the lifestyle of the person they are envious of. The envious person so desperately wants to be like the person that they are envious of to such an extent that they copy that person blindly.
This is at times the reason you find people in debt resulting from loans taken out to maintain lifestyles they cannot afford, but lifestyles which are the reality of the person they are envious of. The remedy to this is for you to first of all be content with where you are and what you have at that time, for you to be grateful and appreciate what you have at that moment.
There are quite a number of characteristics of an envious person which are not covered in this article. These are inclusive of: a person who finds joy when someone experiences failure or a setback; a person who downplays the success of others; a person who gets upset when other people are being complimented for their efforts; a person who is unhappy about the success of others and a person who refuses to celebrate another person’s success.
If you find that you have any of the characteristics of envy highlighted in this article, I encourage you to deal with it so as to get rid of that envy. Envy is not good for you, neither is it good for the people you relate with? If you have a relative, friend or colleague in whom you have identified characteristics of envy in, I would encourage you to relate to them with caution.
It is often said ‘the grass is greener on the other side’ and yet in reality ‘the grass is greener where you water it’. To say the grass is greener on the other side subconsciously creates room for envy to be birthed, nurtured and to grow. However; when you appreciate that the grass is greener where you water it, you will cease to be envious of the lives of others and work on your own life to get the results you so desire. This is showing love to yourself and to those you relate with.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
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