Love keeps no record of wrong

Nolwazi Mnikwa, Relationships

ISN’T it ironic how today is the first Saturday of a new month and our topic is love keeps no record of wrong. A new month brings with it new hopes and possibilities. It marks the end of yesterday with its sorrows and the beginning of a new day with its joys. In the same vein love does not keep a record of wrongs, it does not hold on to past injustices. Love does not live in the past but it is present as love is a doing word.

Many times it is quite difficult to let go of the wrongs done to you by another person. There are relationships that remain broken decades after one person wronged the other. There are relatives who no longer talk to each other owing to a wrong done by one to the other. There are parents that have disowned their own children due to a wrong that was done. There are children that have vowed not to talk to their parents all because of a wrong that was done to them. There are colleagues who do not talk to each other let alone greet each other as a result of a wrong that was done by one colleague to another. There are business partnerships whose full potential will never be realised simply because they broke down when one business partner wronged another. 

Holding on to wrongs and injustices done by someone to you does more damage than good to relationships and society in general. Meaningful relationships and partnerships are broken owing to keeping record of wrongs. Holding on to wrongs and injustices is a catalyst in developing grudges against the one who did wrong and it takes away joy from the one who is holding on to the wrongs. 

When you keep a record of the wrongs that someone you love did, you contribute to creating a rift between you and that person. In marriage, if you are the kind of spouse who keeps record of the wrongs your spouse did to you, you find that you begin to resent your spouse, you lose trust in your spouse as you subconsciously think your spouse will do one of the things they have done to you in the past. You lose out on the joy of today in your marriage as you are holding on to the past, you also lose sight of tomorrow and the prospects it brings as you are too focused on the past. When you love your spouse, you make the effort to work through the wrongs together with your spouse so that they are dealt with and they do not resurface in the future. When you love your spouse, you forgive them; it may be difficult but with love it is possible. 

Similarly; as a parent if you keep track of all the wrongs your child did, you are creating a gap between you and your child. You cease to see the potential your child carries as your perspective towards your child is clouded by that which would have happened in the past. You also create these invisible barriers for your child as your child shies away from fully expressing themselves in a bid to avoid disappointing you as you would have already coined this perspective about them in your mind based on the wrongs they have done in the past. 

When you love your child, you understand that he or she will make errors as they grow and instead of you as a parent holding that against them, it is important to guide and nurture them. It is important for you as a parent to help your child transition through the different stages of growth without you judging them or holding their errors and wrongs against them. If your child is addicted to harmful substances or engages in inappropriate behavior, it is important for you to help them overcome the addictions and inappropriate behavior instead of holding their actions against them.

As a child, if you keep record of all that which you perceive were wrongs done to you by your parents you develop bitterness towards your parents. This bitterness has a negative impact on your relationship with your parents. It is the kind of bitterness that results in children not talking to their parents when they are now adults. It is the kind of bitterness that keeps grandparents from meeting their grandchildren. Understanding that your parents did whatever they did thinking it’s for your best interest will help you overcome feelings of bitterness towards your parents. Your parents highly likely acted out of love towards you in what you may deem as a wrong. They may have acted in a manner you did not like, but it was to them what was seemingly befitting at that time. When you love your parents you will understand this and you will not be bitter towards them but you will show them love. In the event that what was done to you by your parents was not done out of love; it does not mean that you return evil for evil or bad for bad. If you love your parents you will not hold what they did against them, you will forgive them and love them because they deserve your love.

Regardless of the nature of the relationship, when you love someone, you do not hold their past wrongs to you against them. You do not keep record of what they did on a specific day in a specific year at a specific time. Doing so takes away the joy from today and it slowly but surely kills the relationship. When someone does a wrong to you, talk it out with them and once you have talked it out and reached a resolve, move on from the wrong, let go of it so that it does not become a record in the future which is a snare that will destroy your relationship with that person you love.

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected]  or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.