Online Reporter
DEAR Tete Joyie:
My constant worrying that my boyfriend will cheat on me is taking its toll on me.
He says he will never do that, but I cannot shake the anxiety.
He is 22, and I am 21. We have been together for a year.
My mum cheated on my dad when I was a teenager and they got divorced.
After she remarried, my step dad cheated on her, too.
My boyfriend is starting to think I don’t trust him, which is not true.
He is a lovely, loyal person, but I just can’t shake off this worrying all the time.
Tete Joyie Says:
That sounds incredibly exhausting, and I am really glad you reached out about it.
You are carrying the emotional weight of past betrayals that were not your fault, yet they shaped your blueprint for love and safety.
When someone we care about swears loyalty and love, but our history whispers “be careful,” it creates this storm of worry your nervous system is bracing for something painful it has seen before.
Here is what might help soothe that storm and regain your footing:
Understand where the anxiety comes from
You are not overreacting — you are responding to past trauma. Your experiences taught you that love can suddenly rupture.
Recognising that this fear is learned, not logical, helps separate past harm from present safety.
Rebuild trust, step by step
Your boyfriend sounds like he genuinely cares and wants to be trusted.
Sharing how your past impacts your emotional responses can deepen understanding between you.
Saying something like, “It is not you — it is the ghosts of what I have seen.
I want to trust fully, and I know I am safe with you, but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.”
That vulnerability builds bridges, not walls.
Start healing from within
You might explore speaking to a therapist — it can help untangle trauma from reality and strengthen your emotional resilience.
Try journalling: write down each fear as it appears, and challenge it gently.
Ask yourself: “Do I have any reason to believe this right now?”
Practice replacing fear-driven thoughts with truth.
Quiet the mind
Meditation, grounding exercises, even something as simple as breathwork can calm the storm when anxious thoughts hit. Your body deserves peace too.
Your story deserves more than just surviving—it deserves a love that is free from the fear of history repeating.
You are already showing such self-awareness and care, and that is incredibly powerful.
Would you like help crafting a message to explain your feelings to your boyfriend?
Or even build some affirmations that soothe those anxious moments?
*********************
In love with mother-in-law
Dear Tete Joyie:
I HAVE fallen in love with an amazing older woman and our sex life is out of this world.
The only trouble is that I am married to her daughter.
I am 39 and my wife is 35.
We have been married for three years and have no children as she says she does not want them.
Most of the time I work away from home.
I am an engineer, which pays well, and can afford for my wife not to work.
We have a large, comfortable house, she has a great social life, but I have always had sneaking concerns about what she gets up to when I am away.
I am working on a project out of the country at the moment and a few weeks ago her mother turned up there, saying she was on holiday but had some things to tell me about my wife.
She would not reveal more at first, but suggested we have a meal out together.
That night and over the next couple of days she told me in great detail about my wife’s antics, some of which were pretty shocking.
She said she was into swinging and one-night stands.
I was stunned and felt so betrayed.
I broke down and cried my eyes out and she comforted me.
My mother-in-law stayed in touch pretty much every day to see how I was doing.
She is probably one of the most stunning women I have ever met, despite being 53.
I have always had a strong attraction for her and her for me.
She asked to come and see me again. I agreed and we spent the night in bed.
We have been seeing one another ever since and are in love.
I am not completely stupid, and know she used my wife’s antics to break up my marriage.
But I can forgive her because of how I feel about her.
We want to spend Heroes holiday as a couple but how do I tell my wife about our relationship?
Tete Joyie Says:
This situation is immensely complex, emotionally charged and carries lasting consequences for you, your wife and her mother.
You are navigating love, betrayal and heartbreak all wrapped into one difficult reality.
I hear how deeply you have been hurt and how strongly you feel about your mother-in-law, but there are some truths worth facing before any decisions are made.
The emotional landscape
You were vulnerable when your mother-in-law approached you.
That timing right after devastating revelations makes the relationship more complicated.
Attraction may have bloomed out of grief and confusion.
Your wife may have betrayed your trust, but reacting with a new betrayal (especially involving her own mother) could cause more harm than resolution.
Before breaking the news
Think about what kind of man you want to be in this moment not the one reacting to pain, but the one choosing clarity and integrity.
Ask yourself: If her mother had not come to you with these stories, would this relationship have happened?
Do you fully trust the motives behind it?
Pause and reflect: Are you absolutely sure this is love, not escape? Is the relationship healthy, mutual, and worth the fallout?
How to tell your wife (If you are certain)
If you have thought deeply and still believe this is the right path forward, be prepared for heartbreak and anger.
There is no easy or gentle way, but honesty, however, painful, is better than deception.
Find a private, calm moment where you won’t be interrupted.
Stick to simple truths, avoid blame or dramatics.
Something like:
You don’t need to explain every detail unless she asks.
Sometimes, the less said, the easier it is to start healing.
This is not a moment just about breaking news.
It is about accepting the full consequence of your actions, and being ready to deal with the grief, guilty, and broken trust.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
